A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been terrible at attracting women for my entire life. I have been on a sympathy date and have no other experience. Frankly, any woman who has shown attraction to me has rebuffed it once I open my mouth (or in some cases, fail to find anything to say). I feel like my personality is so unattractive I'm doomed to be alone for the time being.I have no one willing to help (my close mates are exactly the same as me) which I why I am turning to this site. I have several critical gaps in my experience: how do you act charming without being needy? How do you approach a girl in a club or bar? How do you approach a group of girls? Where do you go to meet women in a quieter setting?Sorry to bombard with questions, but I get the very strong indication that I am tragically bad at this...Thanks.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 March 2012):
 1. How do you act charming without being needy? Dont act charming for a start!! Acting like anything that isnt natural is not a good idea, it just sets you up for a fall.
2. How do you approach a girl in a club or bar? Wait until she goes to buy a drink, and head over to the bar yourself. Stand next to her, try to get chatting over something (could be 'the service in here is always so slow' or somethng about the music, or simply asking her if she is having a good night and who she is here with etc). If she doesnt ignore you completely, or gives you more than a one word answer you have made the first step, so that is the perfect time to offer to buy her a drink. Girls know that is pretty much code for the guy being interested, and if she says yes she has pretty much agreed to chat to you for a bit. But a warning - there are some girls that allow guys to buy them drinks and just walk off, so make sure you keep the conversation going.
3. How do you approach a group of girls? Try not to if possible. But if there is one girl you like, go over and say hi to all the girls and then make eye contact with the one you like and start a conversation. Generally though it is better to wait until the girl you like is only with 1 or 2 friends, big groups of girls make it difficult for you.
4. Where do you go to meet girls in quieter settings? Well every place you go during the day is an opportunity to meet girls. This could be in a shop, supermarket, library, coffee shop...you name it, there is always a chance of meeting girls. Clubs/groups are good, for example a running club - you are all together frequently so you get to know people, and then you all have a shared hobby too. So any sport or hobby you have, can you do it as part of a group? Online dating is probably the ultimate way to meet women in a quieter setting, and it is perfect for people who struggle with talking to women because you get to know each other a bit first before meeting face to face. By then you already know a lot about each other so it makes the first date much less awkward.
So those are your questions answered, I guess if I am going to give you an overview of what women normally want in a guy it would be something like this:
Good manners, a gentleman (opening doors, putting her coat on for her, pulling out her chair at a restaurant etc are all great), funny, smart, well dressed, relaxed and confident (but not arrogant).
I'm sure you are already most of these things, so relax and be yourself. If you need extra confidence then work on the way you look - that can give your confidence a massive boost. Get some new clothes, a new haircut, work out a bit more...etc. This little boost to the outside can work wonders for the inside, when you feel good on the outside it reflects on you mentally and automatically makes your posture better and you hold your head higher.
If you get knocked back by a girl then dont get too disheartened, you are not going to be everyone's cup of tea so put it down to experience and move on. I know I have said this before but I really do recommend online dating, it has worked for me (I'm 24) andI met some great guys on there that normally I would have never gone for if I saw them in a club. That is because you get to know them first before you judge them too much on external appearances.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (16 March 2012):
 What do you personally feel the problem is? Apperance? Personality? or something else?
Girls like confidence and a man that knows exactly what he wants, some will even fall for borderline arrogance, basically acting like you're 'the man' and all the other guys are thriving to be you.
If you're looking for someone to begin a relationship with maybe, then it's a good idea to try and find people in places where there will be a mutual hobby, for example if you like reading, try the library or bookstore and you could comment on someones choice of literature and try and strike up a conversation from that.
If you're just looking to hook up with people, then you're gonna find people in nightclubs and similar settings, but these situations aren't ideal partners for trying to go further with. From my own experience when I've had luck in a nightclub or something similar, it just pretty much starts with when you meet eye contact with someone, let them break it off first and from then, if they're interested they'll head over and end up close by and that's when you make your move.
I wouldn't say I'm an expert by any means at this kinda stuff as I felt like you did only a couple of months ago but I feel as though I've grown massively in confidence which I would mostly put down to going to the gym, as it's gained me a lot of compliments from members of both genders and kinda bigs you up if you get what I'm saying and makes you feel good about yourself.
Anyways, hope this helps man. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (16 March 2012):
What do you personally feel the problem is? Apperance? Personality? or something else?
Girls like confidence and a man that knows exactly what he wants, some will even fall for borderline arrogance, basically acting like you're 'the man' and all the other guys are thriving to be you.
If you're looking for someone to begin a relationship with maybe, then it's a good idea to try and find people in places where there will be a mutual hobby, for example if you like reading, try the library or bookstore and you could comment on someones choice of literature and try and strike up a conversation from that.
If you're just looking to hook up with people, then you're gonna find people in nightclubs and similar settings, but these situations aren't ideal partners for trying to go further with. From my own experience when I've had luck in a nightclub or something similar, it just pretty much starts with when you meet eye contact with someone, let them break it off first and from then, if they're interested they'll head over and end up close by and that's when you make your move.
I wouldn't say I'm an expert by any means at this kinda stuff as I felt like you did only a couple of months ago but I feel as though I've grown massively in confidence which I would mostly put down to going to the gym, as it's gained me a lot of compliments from members of both genders and kinda bigs you up if you get what I'm saying and makes you feel good about yourself.
Anyways, hope this helps man. Good luck.
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