A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI have divorced my husband 2 years back. I often used to wonder why i left my exhusband in the first place. He doesnt earn much other than that he is a good person at heart and he still loves me and wants me back. I know he is very dull and kind of boring sometimes.I dont have any feelings for my ex. Soon after my marriage i realised i dont love him as he loves me, i tried a lot to make the marriage work but at the end i started hating myself and hence i separated from him. but my real question is why couldnt love back a good person who still loves me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, nhan17 +, writes (3 April 2012):
I believe to be in love is fantastic and its an absolutely amazing feeling to have. But I don't believe people stay in love forever, love changes as a relationship grows and matures. The butterflies feeling that one gets in a new relationship mature into a caring and nurturing love. If you are looking for butterflies feelings forever, you should stay single and only date.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 March 2012):
 He didn't ring your bell. That happens.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 March 2012):
 Because he wasn't the right guy for you, nice guy or not. Love can be one-sided sometimes. Now BOTH you and your ex-husband will be able to find the right person. Happy hunting!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): If only life were that simple hey?!
I think probably the spark just wasn't there, or if it was it just died. Life would be so much easier if we could control who we fall in love with, but sadly it doesn't work like that. You haven't done anything wrong, he just wasn't the one for you.
It's far kinder to him, to let him go and find someone that WILL love him back the way HE loves them (and that is what you have done).
Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there...I know I have dated people in the past who on paper seemed perfect (nice looking, good job, kind etc etc, but they just didn't do it for me)! I like someone that makes me feel alive, the butterflies in your stomach when you see them, maybe that's my definition of chemistry.
So in a nutshell, you can't force yourself to love someone if you don't (and if you stay with them, you will make yourself miserable or cheat) so just keep an eye out for YOUR Mr Right, I'm sure you will know when you meet him!x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): Because he's just not your type, you're just not compatible. Your experience has shown that you DO love him but more as a friend or maybe as a brother type of family member. That's way different from loving someone in a sexual, romantic and intimate way. for the latter it's not enough that the other person just be "a good person" , they have to have qualities or traits that YOU find attractive, whether it be their tastes, their attitudes, their philosophy on life, their appearance...
don't feel guilty or make too big a deal out of this. Accept that you do love him, but in a platonic way, that's all. And it's very appropriate to divorce him because marriage is supposed to be a different kind of relationship, it's supposed to be a sexual relationship (your only one, if you're married!) so that places a premium on the attraction aspect.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): I don't know why- but next time you need to feel you really love the person otherwise don't marry them. We don't know why we love some people and not others, but sometimes someone being a good person is not enough. You have to have attraction in all areas and a feeling that you're not alone and bored obviously, good luck.
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