A
female
age
36-40,
*oung_mum
writes:I feel as though I have no control in my relationship. My partner is very dominating towards people in his life, especially women, and uses this to get his own way. For instance, if he wants you to do something and you refuse, he will say “I’m telling you now, you better do it”, and you know that if you don’t, you will be abused and sworn at and he will throw and kick things. Therefore, you go along with what he wants to keep the peace. For the children’s sake, I have come to a point where I’m constantly thinking about what I need to do to stop him from getting angry. If I get something wrong, I stress about telling him, because I know he will get angry. He is not physically abusive – these are just temper tantrums. I feel powerless to communicate, because he’s very convincing and manipulative. When he knows he’s in the wrong, he either just shuts down (literally blocking his ears, or turning up the television so he can’t hear me – really mature stuff like that!) and refuses to talk (again threatening me if I try to push him to discuss something), or he uses a technique I call the ‘me against the world’ routine – he says things like “everything’s my fault”, “I’m just a bad person”, etc. I assume the aim of this is to make me feel guilty for blaming him. Any suggestions or anyone in a similar situation? Better yet, any men who know they are guilty of this type of behaviour – could I pick your brain on some new ways to get through? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sheishappy  +, writes (19 September 2007):
He is dominating you because you allow him to. You need to work on your self esteem and confidence. When you start loving yourself and valuing yourself as a unique human being he will not have the power to control you. Remember you came into this world by yourself and you will go out by yourself so why are you staying with this childish bully. Start loving and appreciating yourself for who you are and people around you will start doing the same. Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Hi Love,
This is a terrible situation to be in love and I for one would have walked along time ago, He has problems thats apparent and he needs to address them not take it out on everyone else, He is acting like a spoilt child when he doesnt get his own way and taking control over your life completely, I really dont no why you are still with this man he has no respect is rude and abusive even if you say he is not physically he threatens to be.. His dummy has fallen out his pram if you dont do it I will abuse you throw things and kick and swear, I no you have children but love do you really want them growing up with this kind of teaching, I feel for your situation but if I were you Id be trying to find a way out and away for not only your sake but for the childrens as well. PLEASE TAKE CARE WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Hi there, I am kind of in the same situation as you. My partner is very controlling and before I do anythng I always ask myself 'What will he say about it? Will he be angry? Am I allowed to do this?' I have children of my own and they hate him but he just wont leave me alone. I have tried telling him its over but he knows which buttons to press to get me back. I cant advise you on this because I dont know what to do for the best myself. I will certainly be watching this post though to see what others advise. Take care and try to stay strong, I know how hard it is. xxxx
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A
female
reader, hotty +, writes (19 September 2007):
hi how are you today? ill apologise in advance, but im going to be blunt and straight to the point. why are you with him? and why do you subject your children to this, showing them a world of violence and verbal abuse. i work in a hospital for adolescence who have seen their parents go through domestic violence and i have also seen the effect it has on them as young people. if they are not affected by this now you can guarentee they will be later on in life. would you accept this kind of behavior from one of your children? Then why should you put up with it from someone whose supposed to be your equil, a fully grown RESPONSIBLE adult?
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