A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'll just lay it all out on the table.He and I have been together for over one year. I have never been unfaithful to ANYone in my past, I know the pain of infidelity and I would never do that to someone else. For eight months now, I have had to put up a battle and defend myself against his accusations of infidelity. He examines my panties when I get home from work. He calls to listen to me typing so that he knows I am not speaking with "some guy". If I answer the phone after 4 rings instead of 1, I am accused of "being with some guy". This has happened for so long and with such intensity that I sometimes feel like I have done something that I must not realize. I have tried to leave him 4 times - packed my bags and asked him to get out of our shared apartment so that I can leave quietly and keep my composure. He manages to get me to stay each time. I let him know that I am seeing a therapist because of his accusations and taht my health feels like it is deteriorating - constant headaches, panic/anxiety attacks, weightloss - because of the stress that his accusations cause. He seems to understand for a total of 4 or 5 days then it starts again.Is there any hope? What is going on with his mind? Am I the crazy one? I feel at such a loss because I know taht I have done nothing but I have come to feel so out of control with my own emotions and with my own thoughts of my self worth that I am more confused now than I have been, I'm beginning to think, in my entire Life. Just lost. Help, please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): I have been in a similar situation with my ex. I know how hard it is, and I am sorry that your going through it. I cannot give you the psychology behind it b/c I could never figure it out other then he was just a very very insecure, possessive individual. Anyway, every situation and person is different, but with my experience, he was also very mentally and verbally abusive and it never got better, if anything it just got worse. I got to your point and I was going insane. I knew that it was either me or him going. I had to leave while I still had an ounce of me left. I cut all ties, changed my number, my emails, even moved b/c he turned out to be a stalker. Anyway, it was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. A weight was immediately lifted off my shoulders. Again this was my situation. If he agrees to counseling maybe and you start to see some great improvement and he really sees he has a problem (my ex never thought anything he did was wrong, that's why he could never change) then maybe it's worth sticking it out, but I feel for you and I don't want you to sink any deeper into a hole then you already are. However, You need some sort of break from this! You have got to get out and get some air and step back for a minute and look at it from the outside. You are NOT in the wrong! There is nothing you have done to deserve this, there is just something deeply wrong with him....Other people will probably have some great advice for you. I just know for me, it never stopped and I eventually started to hate him with the deepest passion and it was destroying me and I got the point I didn't care if he changed or not, I would have rather spent a life alone then with him.
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (26 March 2009):
 woah that is alot of stress on you!
heck no your not the crazy one he clearly has this mad paranoia!!
youm really need to get him help he should be with the therapist not you!
he needs to see a shrink!!
you need to make him realise he is being paranoid.
alot of people do say the reason why he accusing you is because he is the one having the affair i've been in a situation like that and i was right she was the person having the affair she blamed her boyfriend for cheating on her and it was her who was cheating all along.
but definately need to get him to see someone you don't need a relationship like that it's not healthy for either of you!
hope this helps hun!
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