A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I hope there are some pet lovers out there that can help me with this. As a disclaimer, I LOVE animals, I've just never liked them indoors.All right, on with the show:My fiancée is pure magic. She's everything I've ever wanted, and the feeling is reciprocated without question. The issue is her dog.She has a very friendly and well-behaved pit bull, not aggressive or mean-spirited at all, just BIG and affectionate. I get from her that he kind of replaced attention and affection for her for the past three years since her previous relationship failed.She spends a great deal of her time at my home, without the dog, and doesn't seem to miss him then, but she persists that once we're married, he's coming to live with us. I have voiced to her that I really do not want a dog in my home, I've NEVER liked indoor pets, but that I would be willing to compromise, as I could see that it was important to her, and I want to be accepting and respectful of that. I've heard and read so many things about how relating to someone's pet can make or break a relationship...I love this woman dearly, and AM willing to do this, but inside I really, really have issues with it. It's not that I don't like the dog; he IS very protective of her, and while he's not violent or aggressive, he makes it VERY clear that he doesn't like it when I get too close to her. She's made the commitment to me that she will work to change this behavior; for the record, she's even told me she would get rid of the dog if I had such an issue with him, but I could tell by the look in her eyes how badly it would hurt her, and worried of the resentment that would breed down the road; she and I have shared so much, and I don't want that black mark on our future.Is there something wrong with me? I hear so much about others who are completely accepting, and the pet in question becomes a member of the new family...am I JEALOUS of the dog? Is it that I've NEVER liked indoor pets? Is it a combination of the two?Should I break down and admit this is more of a problem than I thought it would be, ask HER to sacrifice something that's obviously very important to her? Or should I suck it up, hope that the dog will grow on me, and not be selfish and adjust my lifestyle? I certainly love her enough, but I can't shake the feeling that I will always resent the dog...Please help if you can. Give me some new perspectives.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): The ole saying, love me, love my dog, goes with any pet, bird, cat, fish, etc. You love her, she loves you, the dog loves her, and feels the threat of you not liking the dog. Dogs are very emphatic, and yes, the dog knows. Like one poster says, they only live about a decade or so, and if you think the dog makes a mess in the house, just wait until you guys have kids! ;-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): Think of it too...the dog has a life span of 8 to 10 years....your life together will hopefully be much longer! And I'm sure that she will be willing to really work with you on it and compromise on a lot, so don't worry, it will be alright! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the advice; I really DON'T want a dog in my home, but I DO want HER in it...guess I just really didn't consider the prospect that I would HAVE to tolerate something I've always had an issue with to be with the person I love...but I guess sacrifices have to be made.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): The dog is definitely letting you know you are on HIS turf by not liking yall to be too close. Your both males...this will possess a problem b/c you both want to be the ALPHA. I wouldn't say your jealous, but I think you feel threatened and so does the dog! You are in what the dog thinks is his space and you look at the dog being in your space! What I suggest is not making her get rid of the dog, but you start giving the dogs treats when you see him. Make him sit and lay down or teach him these things or new tricks if he doesn't know them so he can start accepting you as in the "pack". He already thinks he is above you in the pack order I can tell you that, he was there first, so by doing some simple training commands with him your slowly teaching him that "hey i need to listen to this guy!" and that your above him in the pack. Also, I suggest a trainer if it gets very bad! And when i say bad I mean aggression. My husbands pit bull was before me too and use to come in between him and I any time we hugged or kissed! He was never mean to me ever, but he was telling me, "this is mine! all mine! who are you???" haha! He would always try to get more attention from my husband, lol. Sometimes yes, I would feel like the dog was sticking his tongue out at me and I wanted to go push him away and hug my husband and kiss him then stick my tongue back out at the dog...but lets me adults here. ;) TRAINING and one on one time with the dog and love for the dog will help this! And they know when you don't like them, so don't be fake! Anyway, as far as the house thing, get a crate! We love our dog to death but we don't let him run around the house when we aren't home so we put him in a crate and he loves it! Teach him not to be on the bed or furniture and then it won't be so bad having a dog in the home! I just really don't feel making her get rid of the dog is the right thing to do. As long as the dog is not biting you or growling at you, then I really feel you could grow to love the dog too and have a healthy relationship with him.
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A
male
reader, guppypig +, writes (26 March 2009):
Perhaps if you weren't such a bitch, you wouldn't be jealous of a dog?
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