A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Through out high school, and now in college, I have watched my friends have guys coming up to them, flirting with them and getting their numbers. This has never happened to me and makes me feel extremely sad, unwanted and lonely. The only two guys I have ever remotely dated were ones I were friends with before hand.Usually, when out in a public place or at a party (where one might meet someone) the closest I have ever gotten to a guy noticing my existence is by him looking at me. For example, yesterday at Starbucks I was sitting at a table by myself reading a magazine when I looked up and made eye contact with a guy- he quickly darted his eyes away and pretended to be looking at a painting behind me; this is typically how it goes.Because of this I've been thinking things like "Am I ugly? Do I appear to be a totally unapproachable bitch?" I don't want to seem cocky, but when I asked my best friend what she thought, in complete seriousness, she told me that I am the prettiest girl she knows. When someone is referred to as that, you would think they would have someone coming up to them- not me. Does anyone have this problem or has gone past it? I would really appreciate any help!
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 It isn't about the way you look it is all about the way you ACT! You have to give off the right vibe for men to feel combfortable enough to approach you, if you appear to be rather shy ot abit timid and queit then i find men tend to be abit less confident about speaking to you.I have always wondered why the outragous loud mouthed girls who can come across rather irrateing seem to get all the boys. It is because normally they are extremely confident.So, i have learnt over the time that confidence is the key, appear to act flirtasious, be as confident as possible, and if you do catch a guy looking your way then get up and speak to him don't spend the time waiting for him to come to you.I have been in your position many times, high school in particular! Please don't put yourself down or let those negative thoughts go through your head because i can assure you they are not true!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): Pretty and shy unfortunately do not go together in the male mind. When those guys look at you, they ARE interested, but because you are attractive they feel like you won't say yes if they ask you out...so, they don't even try. Because you don't approach them, or smile or make yourself seem approachable...it reinforces their idea of the pretty stuck-up popular girl. Your shyness is causing you to be stereotyped...when really, you are just as insecure as the guy who looks away.
Next time you catch an interesting guy staring at you, smile when you make eye contact and mean it.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (2 October 2011):
 I'm sorry that you're going through this situation. But there are things that you can do...#1. Be more aware of your body language. Which means lean slightly or cross your leg in his direction, don't fold your arms, and when a guy looks at you, smile. You may even whisper to him "you're cute" or "hi"...or something to that effect. Be sure to show your interest.#2. Take initiative. I don't know if you would be open to approaching a guy. Though it's daring, there's nothing wrong with that. It's a bold move and shows the guy that you're interested in meeting him. #3. Expand your search. Go on dating sites, go to speed dating events, hire a matchmaker, etc. Start putting yourself out there more to meet more people. #4. Think positive. Your friend may be right, and you may just so happen to be very pretty. Beauty alone can intimidate most people when it comes to dating/meeting someone new, which could explain why guys may start and when you notice, they'll look away. Just start thinking positive about yourself and tell yourself that you are attractive- and you're worthy of attention. Best! :^)
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A
female
reader, KlassyKirsty +, writes (2 October 2011):
 I have endured exactly the same thing when i was in my high school days, i can recall just how atrocious that felt when my friends would get their selection of guys :( it really does rub salt into the wound when only you feel that this reinforces the fact that you are unappealing. This is in fact false. You take your high school days too personally like i did, and this can leave emotional scars as well :( Your friend stated that you are extremely pretty, and believe it or not, this can be a little intimidating to some guys, NOT that it is a bad thing, especially those who are shy :) The shy guys have a distinctive lack of courage for approaching amazing girls like you, so if you are into shy guys, you build upon your self esteem otherwise no relationship can be initiated :)You say that when a guy does acknowledge you, he stares, so why not change your body language and facial expressions such as a smile :) a smile is contagious trust me and it is proven to make u more approachable. If you simply just smile, it indicates that you are mutually interested, so just try it out.It is best to get to know a guy first to find some common ground, which is just the art of testng the waters. This is a simple skill i want you to try as a case of trial and error the next time you get an oppurtunity :p In fact, some guys who do approach you too soon and come on too strongly without wanting to get to know you at the back of their hand, i would be wary and cautious of, especially in night clubs.I do not think you are arrogant at all, you admit that you are pretty insecure in yourself, so i think that you are straightforward and genuine,you are beautiful on the outside as well as on the inside, so technically, the world is your oyster so what have you got to lose? :)Any decent guy would crave those characteristics in a dateable girl like you :) good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, golddigger99 +, writes (2 October 2011):
 Some guys are intimidated by pretty girls, and assume that they already have boyfriends so they don't even try to approach them in the first place. It is also possible that your friend told you you were pretty to not hurt your feelings, but a true friend wouldn't do that. Either ways, you could try to go to a more approachable spot other than Starbucks. Try hitting up a club where guys expect to approach women. You could also fix yourself up a bit, take care of your health, fix your hair, dress nicely, and all in all, remain approachable. The cleaner and nicer you look, the more likely men will want to approach you in the first place. After all, if they aren't interested in approaching you at all, then you will not get approached...simple as that. Good Luck!
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