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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: There's a woman at work who I thought I got along with quite well. She's always been nice to my face but yesterday after she'd just been talking to me (she doesn't know) I heard her being really mean and bitchy about me. It really as upset me because I've been nothing but nice to her. She's in her late 50's and I'm in my early 20's. I feel really upset and stupid now that I know she doesn't really like me.I'm pretty quiet and shy. I also feel awkward a lot of the time. I don't really feel like i fit in because most of the women there are very loud and they all go out for their breaks together because most of them smoke which i don't.I just find it unbelievable that this woman could be so nice to my face but nasty behind my back. I know some people are like that but i just didn't think she was. She said something like "what the f**ck is she (me) doing? Does she actually do any work or what?" plus some other things i couldn't really hear. When i go to work tomorrow she'll be as nice as pie to me and i'm just going to have to grin and bear it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice everyone. I'll try and give what you said a go, Abella.
A
female
reader, uroboros  +, writes (2 October 2011):
what a very nice lady, isn't she?! i think shes probably jealous, i always explain behaviour like that with envy!
keep your distance, speak to her only if necessary, avoid any other contact.and most important: DON'T EVER LET HER THINK UR AFFRAID! if she reckons u are weak, she'll have her way with you.
take care!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): Not a nice lady is she...its good you have overheard her and know where you stand though.
Avoid her at all costs, just talk to her on a professional basis when you have to.Dont let yourself be in a position where she can critisise you and if it really gets bad then have a chat with a manager or personnel.
Sadly there's always gonna be a snake and at least you have uncovered her....the others probably know exactly what she's like too and have more than likely all been a victim at some point. One place I worked we had one nicknamed 'the rockwieller' I soon found out why!
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 I have worked with a woman, also in her 50s, almost identical to what you describe. False as false can be. Overly sweet to my face. I was not the only one she did this to. Two other men refused to sit near her any more.
You are not stupid at all. She is evil and nasty and she is not going to stop being evil and nasty. She may have been like this all her life. She is what I call a "PEOPLE POISONER". She wants you to be isolated and she wants to demean your reputation.
She has chosen you as she thinks you are an easy Target to bully. She thinks you will be a push-over to bully.
Read up on Bullying and read up on Nasty Managers.
Because this Nasty Woman you work with IS ambitious and she does Aim to be a Manager one day. Right now she is trying to bad mouth anyone who might one day be a threat to her. She is probably jealous because you are a nice person and she is not.
To one's face the woman I worked with could put on a very good "act," I will grant her that.
But if one kept one's ears open then invariably she was always "bad mouthing" someone. No one was immune from her nastiness. The only Paragon of Virtue was her "kind"(NOT) self.
In the end I made an unwritten rule that I would do the following:
1. Never speak to her unless a trusted witness was present. That means not one of her "lap-dog friends" who believed her every word (but unbeknown to them she also bad mouthed them behind their backs)
2. Never sent nor respond to an email unless I also sent a carbon copy to her team leader.
3. request any work assignment be in writing, explaining exactly what she required. Thus avoiding her claims later that I did not do as required.
4. On accepting any work from her confirm the start date and what I would be doing and the follow up date or completion date.
5. Allow her to be a complete idiot. The Boss will eventually wake up.
In the end the manager came to thank me for my tactful approach to this woman and said that he wished some of the other staff had adopted my diplomatic approach. That he knew there was a problem with her and that she was in their sights for all the mayhem she was causing.
And a few days later I even found out that a customer had complained as well about this woman for her arrogant, rude dismissive attitude. (I could have told the managers all that weeks earlier. But it was better coming from the mouth of a customer as then the Manager had to take notice and recognise he had a problem.
I do believe a person like this is a potential very very nasty bully. Keep your distance. Keep your power dry. And Document everything in any interaction. Never rely on her "word" since she will lie convincingly and manipulate convincingly to get YOU into trouble even when she is at fault.
Such a person is to be avoided at all costs.
Do not go out of your way to speak to her. Forget about being her "friend" ever. For this woman is a Poisoned Viper, and a danger to you and your reputation. Don't take her on, you will come off second best. She has been abusing and using other people all her life, and she will not allow anyone to stop her. Try not to be alone with her anywhere. Not the bathroom, not the lift. In any Training scenario do not sit near her. Give her NO ammunition at all the "get at you". I will invent a "oops I forgot my purse" rather than share a lift with her alone ever. Such people are far too dangerous and convincing.
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