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female
age
30-35,
*cythe
writes:I was hoping that I could get some advice on what to do in this situation.I am 18 years old, and going into my second year of uni. My parents, and especially my mother, are rather conservative, strict, and kinda old fashioned. My mother never let me have a boyfriend when I was in high school and she is hoping to continue this until I finish uni. Out of respect of her wishes (I mean, I understood where she was coming from) I've never entered a relationship before.Now, I very recently met a guy who is different from the usual guys I know. He is really polite and kind. (He is 19 by the way). He asked me out to the movies last night, and I went with him, but I told my mum that I was going with a girlfriend instead. (I still have to account for where I go... even if its just "Im going out with so-and-so, I'll be back before 12). Now he has invited me out to dinner later this week. I said yes to that too, but I know I can't keep up lying to my parents. I want to tell them, but I don't want to disappoint them or make them angry at me. I suppose my dad wont really mind, but I know my mom will. I really want my mum's support in this, as i don't want this to drive a wedge between us.How, and when should I tell them about this guy?Please help. Any advice, similar experiences, or even just your opinion will be great. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): Awww....good for you!! Well done! x x x
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female
reader, scythe +, writes (17 January 2008):
scythe is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the replies guys :)
I ended up accidentally telling my mom about this guy when we were going for a walk a couple of nights ago. She didn't freak out or hit me or get angry as I expected her to... infact the first thing she said was "But you could get pregnant!!!!" which was rather shocking.
She has been a bit annoying by going on about sex and dating and worrying that I'm going to fail uni because I will be distracted (it makes sense in her mind im sure) but altogether she reacted very well. My dad didn't even bat an eye when I told him. Yay for great fathers!
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female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (13 January 2008):
 Hi there.
Shaim, i'm so sorry for what you are going through. Although my mom didn't have a problem with the fact that i had boyfriends, she still had a problem with each and every boyfriend i've EVER had. She would try anything in her power to keep me away from them. (i wont elaborate on my whole story, but she was this way until i was almost 24, and i already had a child of my own)
She was also strict, and never let me go anywhere, so although our situations aren't the same, they are similar.
What i did? I showed my mom that she could trust me, and the guy.
How to do this? Well - i suggest that you speak to your guy first, and tell him your situation. Tell him that you really like him, but, that you'd like him to meet your parents, out of respect for them. Do you still live at home? If so, then have him pick you up from home, and invite him in for a cup of coffee (before your date) with your parents.
This way, if this guy is really as nice as you say, your parents will be more at ease. Tell her what time you'll be home, and try and be there about 10 minutes earlier.
Maybe even try and organize a family dinner at some point soon, so that your parents can get to know this guy. Just explain to this guy what your situation is, and why you're doing it.
My mom got to know my boyfriend like this, and up until today she really adores, and respects him.
I know how you feel. I know how hard it can sometimes be, especially when you still have to report back about every single move in your life, and your friends can do what they want. I KNOW how badly you want to keep your mother happy, and don't want to disappoint her.
BUT - you have to start standing up for yourself at some point. This is your life. I really wish i took a stand for myself earlier in my life (even at your age), but i didn't, and i lived my life by my mom's law.
Looking back - this has caused me more damage than good, and that is why i'm urging you to do what is important to YOU in your life.
I'm NOT saying that you should be ugly towards them. There is always a nice way to do things, but you will have to be firm. You can still respect them, and show them that you do, but this doesn't mean you have to follow each piece of advice that they give you.
Just show them you are trustworthy. Tell them that you can see where they are coming from, but that you are now grown, and they have raised you well, and the time has come for them to TRUST you to make your own decisions.
Anyway - i know this is long-winded. Please mail me if you need to chat some more.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): No similar experience...but I can give you my advice.
I think that you should just tell your parents. It will be difficult - but you'll find it more dificult if you keep delaying it. Explain to them that this guy is different from most of the guys you've met and you really really like him. Say that you don't want them to be angry at you - but you still really want to go out with him. Say that he is polite and kind.
I think that you should tell them that he's asked you on a date the next time you agree to go somewhere with him.
The truth is always the best thing - as you don't want to parents to start thinking that you're untrustworthy. Besides think of it this way - they'll be way more dissapointed with you in not telling them than the fact that you have a bf!
Good luck with everything x x x
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