A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have lost myself. I have been married for nearly 14 years. When I met my wife I was confident, full of vision and energy. I was positive, upbeat, hilariously funny. I had faith, I had a zeal for life I had friends. Flash forward to today and I am the complete opposite. I have no friends. My wife had an emotional affair with my best friend. My faith is gone. My career? I had to take the very job she quit. I have her friends, her job, her life. There is no me. Life is about survival now, not living. I don't even know how to begin to find me again. I don't have the will to even try and I'm quickly coming to the place where I don't even care anymore.. about anyone or anything. Please help!
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time in your life right now. Life is a challenge at the best of times but know that you’re not alone, lots of people feel the same way you do and have gone on to pick themselves up and find that zest for life again. It’s HOW… right?
Your mind is in negative mode right now, everything you think and feel are negative. You don’t care any more… so all you will attract is more of the same negativity. How do you get yourself back on track to be the outgoing man you were 14 years ago? The “real you” is hidden away within yourself, fighting to get out! You WANT to change things. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be on here asking for help.
So how can you improve on your life? Think more positively. Think about what you want in life and what is really important to you. Write this down. Are you in good health? Do you have family who love you? Do you have a roof over your head? Are you able to put food on the table? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you are richer and far luckier than millions of people in this world…
Sometimes we take these little things in life for granted don’t we…? The usual things to want are more money, more recognition, bigger homes, more holidays, more material things instead of changing our mindset and appreciating what really makes the soul happy. For example: letting our loved ones know how much we love and appreciate them. Is your marriage still strong? If not then how can you work to make it strong again? When did you last tell your wife you loved her and showed this by your actions? She had an emotional affair in the past but notice the word you used… “had”, it’s in the past now so work to rekindle what you both once had. Set aside time to talk with your wife and let her know you appreciate her. Ask her how her day was, reassure her and let her know how much you still care for her and how you appreciate what she does for the family. Relationships need to be worked at on a daily basis especially when we marry because of the additional stresses and strains married life brings. If you make time for you and your wife to have some “alone” time together then you will become closer and bond again. She will look up to you and respect you.
Do things with your kids as a family. Children grow up so quickly so enjoy the simple things together with them like taking them to the park, having a picnic or just going for long walks, exploring! They’ll love it and they’ll open up to you more too.
A pre requisite: Get your faith back. With faith you can accomplish anything! Faith can even overcome fear! Faith is not believing that God can… it’s knowing he WILL!” Believe in who you are! Make little changes in your life every day. Write down what you want to accomplish (little things) and tick them off as you accomplish them. Money doesn’t make us truly happy whatever you may have heard, it’s a fallacy. It’s feeling happy from within that’s important. “True happiness comes from the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed.”
Finding yourself is a journey, not a destination. You’ve hit a bump on the road and sometimes you fall flat on your face but this is all part of the process, just get right back up and start again and USE your faith to know you have the help you need, all you have to do is ask... With time you will gain the respect from your family and friends, you’ll feel more confident about yourself and more importantly you’ll get back that inner happiness that has been lacking for so long.
Feel free to email me if this has struck a chord and you want to talk more. Remember “you can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.”
~Eve~
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): I can't offer you anything but company. You're not alone -- you're living my life.
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A
female
reader, Sara456 +, writes (16 June 2010):
You cannot wait for someone to rescue you. By seeing a professional, you can take control of your life back... and regain your happiness.
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A
male
reader, Sailing_bye +, writes (16 June 2010):
 Just when you think things can't get any worse, they do. I've learned that life is like an hourglass. Sooner or later, everything hits rock bottom. All you have to do is be patient and wait for someone to turn everything back around.
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A
female
reader, Sara456 +, writes (16 June 2010):
It sounds like you are suffering from major depression. I think the best thing you can do is to find a good referral for a counselor and make an appointment as soon as possible.
It happens to everyone at one time or another in their life when you lose your path, your direction. It takes a professional counselor perspective to help get "you" back. A counselor can help you to make some decisions in your life and/or changes. You are not alone. Hang in there.
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