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I have lost my sex drive after pregancy and now I feel like I am pushing my man away.

Tagged as: Pregnancy, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 March 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 21 April 2008)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Before I had my first child who is almost 2 now my sex life was fabulous. I was great in bed and pleased my man. I thought to myself I was going to make a man very happy when I settled down. During my pregnancy we barely ever had sex, I was sick a lot.

After my pregnancy we still barely ever had sex. It was like I felt so tired all the time. Like I said our child is almost 2 and now I am pregnant again. Yea we obviously had sex to have that happen, but sex is rare in our relationship. I never want to do it.

He still seems so into me and wants it all the time. I roll my eyes with the thought of it and think how much I hate it while he is doing his thing. I don't participate anymore and I only do it maybe monthly to make him a tiny percent happier. Sometimes afterwards I even cry.

I love him to death and I want to please him. I'm not sure why I'm so disgusted with the idea of sex with him. I want to be the one who knew she was going to make her man happy. I feel now as if I am pushing mine away. Is there something wrong with me or a way I can change this?

View related questions: sex drive, sex life

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008):

I also loved sex, and liked nothing better than being with my man, but after having my first child i really hate and i mean hate having sex with him, I love him to bits, but the idea of him even touching me makes my skin crawl.

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A female reader, asian tealeaf Canada +, writes (9 March 2008):

asian tealeaf agony auntNOTHINGS wrong per say, i have a yr old daughter and lately i have been uninterested. pregnant, we banged every second like cymbals in a band. however, its hard to get into the mood. did u guys plan this pregnancy or was it accidental. because if it was u should consider birth control so u dont get pregnant and things worsen. more kids equal more work. less sleep. and hormone imbalance plays a huge part in lack of sex drive. quantity sex is not what u want. but quality is the key word. start to masturbate a little it will help get u horny and u will want ur man gto finish u off. quickies are great. it does not have to be 45 minutes of sex like the good ole days. u dont have to be dripping sweat onto eachother to have good sex. so play round with urself, maybe watch some porn that turns u on and get ur man to finish off u. u will love it. good luck sweetie

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A male reader, Blitz35 United States +, writes (9 March 2008):

Blitz35 agony aunthmmmm well wat i can say which im guessing is that its probally something wit ur system... im mean medicaly... i doubt its something wrong wit u... all i can say is that u should talk to someone and theyll know wat to tell u... but maybe u should tell him wat u feel about him trying to slick his moves and hell understand..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008):

There could be a lot of reasons.

The pregnancy didn't sound easy, do you perhaps deep down fear going through it again, enough to turn you of sex because it will lead to the same mess again?

How is the current pregnancy? Is it again causing you problems?

Being tired will offcourse affect your sexdrive, it may not be possible now because you are pregnant, but have you tried getting away for a period so you can get some rest? Get your parents to take care of the baby and just relax somewhere away from the diapers and the stress?

One thing is missing from your post, you say you were great in sex and that you pleased your man, you miss pleasing him.

How about YOU? Did you enjoy the sex? Did your enjoyoment slowly drop OR was it that after the delivery you no longer found pleasure in sex?

If the last case something might have been damaged in childbirth, see a doctor about it.

Does he try to please you at all? Can you still masturbate or is the feeling simply gone? I am not getting the feeling he is a very considerate lover. If he was he wouldn't simply do his thing while you lie there as a wet blanket.

You may also simply be suffering from post-natal depression, pretty common in women but FAR to serious a subject to be answered on a web forum by amateurs.

First examine for yourselve wether your equipment is still in working order, can you feel pleasure from self stimulation. If not, seek proffesional help.

Try to find someway to get some rest, possibly even alone for a bit, maybe a week away while your husband takes care of the baby and you sort yourselve out.

Also ask yourselve wether you have changed in other ways, are you feelings messed up since your pregnancy, again seek proffesional help, you may "just" be depressed, pretty common thing to happen.

At this rate things are only to get worse, with two babies you evenmore tired, get more depressed, be even less into sex, your husband will start resenting you, that will depress you more. So try and talk to your doctor. Troubles with sexlife during or after pregnancy are common complaints.

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A female reader, Harbbey3000 Nigeria +, writes (9 March 2008):

i dont know if something is wrong with u or not but wat i know is that if u keep up this attitude u will soon loose ur man 2 more willing females.Try 2 awaken d passion u once felt 4 him,during sex fantasize abt him,assume or pretend u are enjoying it,it might get u in d mood

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