A
female
age
51-59,
*olima
writes:I recently married my husband in his country of residence, and although we married in the same city as my spouse's parents live in, he did not invite them nor did he ever introduce me to them. He claims it was because he was "on the outs" with them at the time, but later I discovered that he still lives with his parents (except when he was in the U.S. for college and work). So at the time that we married, although we were living together at a resort, he was officially living with his parents. Now he keeps delaying my meeting his parents. Initially he said when we got our I-129/K3 visa approved I would fly back, meet his family, and we would come to the U.S. - however, during our last conversation, he said I would meet his family "next year". I wonder if he is using me for money or a green card, even though so far he has paid for everything. The closer we get to having his visa approved, the more my intuition screams that something isn't right here. Today he replied to an email saying I haven't met his family because he hasn't met mine - but my entire family and all of my friends know that we married - and if he weren't 10,000 miles away he would have met my family before we ever married. But he and I were staying in the same town as his family lives for 30 days, and we even got married, and I never met them. It hurts to end this now, but I know it would hurt more 2-3 years from now when he gets citizenship and leaves me. I mean, we had a great time together and get along well, but there are a few issues, such as my not meeting his family and some sexual issues, that have me worried. I mean, he is Indian working in the UAE, but in all three cultures, Indian, Arab, and American, marriage is a FAMILY CENTERED event.
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): I am sorry to answer this late but i think he definitely has something to hide. Maybe he is already married to some one else and his parents know it. If i were you i would hire a private detective and get to the bottom of this. It sounds really fishy.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 August 2009):
 I think you are doing the right thing. For most cultures FAMILY is a BIG thing.
Good luck on the annulment.
...............................
A
female
reader, Colima +, writes (22 August 2009):
Colima is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who responded.
I didn't insist on meeting his family because I was under the impression that they were in Hyderabad, India - while we were in Dubai, UAE. Also, we talked about our families and things without any problem - so I guess I assumed I would meet them as soon as we had the chance. I knew that his father was older and that he had brothers still under 18, so it wasn't easy for his family to travel. I guess I just assumed the best. I didn't find out until later that the whole time we were in Dubai, so were his parents - that they lived in Dubai. Today he told me he could care less if I met his family or he met mine, that he would allow me to meet them only because I insisted and he would meet my family only because I insisted. He said we married each other, not our families. - I called an attorney to get the marriage annulled based on deception. If he "could care less" that means he doesn't give a damn about my feelings, and if that's how much he cares now (even though he says he loves me, lol), how much will he care a year from now? Wow. I didn't think this was going to hurt so much.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): Why not ask to meet them before you got married.. I mean it seem like you didn't care before so why care so much now?
...............................
A
female
reader, Colima +, writes (22 August 2009):
Colima is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't insist on meeting his family because I was under the impression that they were in Hyderabad, India - while we were in Dubai, UAE. Also, we talked about our families and things without any problem - so I guess I assumed I would meet them as soon as we had the chance. I knew that his father was older and that he had brothers still under 18, so it wasn't easy for his family to travel. I guess I just assumed the best. I didn't find out until later that the whole time we were in Dubai, so were his parents - that they lived in Dubai. Today he told me he could care less if I met his family or he met mine, that he would allow me to meet them only because I insisted and he would meet my family only because I insisted. He said we married each other, not our families. - I called an attorney to get the marriage annulled based on deception. If he "could care less" that means he doesn't give a damn about my feelings, and if that's how much he cares now (even though he says he loves me, lol), how much will he care a year from now? Wow. I didn't think this was going to hurt so much.
...............................
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (21 August 2009):
 I think you should trust your intuition.
Mostly indian kids are close to their parents, very rarely do they break their parents law and traditions & choose someone by themselves to marry (i exempt from this, i chose to marry my husband over the wishes of my family)
im not trying to scare you but sometimes those types of guys come from poverty backgrounds and want a better life and do anything to get it.
Im not saying he doesnt love you, but its strange how he hasnt invited his parents even to the wedding.
Its like you dont exist for them. its cruel.
I think maybe he's hoping once he's in the US he will be able to tell them sbout your relationship from there, but seriously this is not worth all the heartache, because you have to contend with him, his family, and lord knows if he has a wife back home in india already!
i think you need to listen to that inner voice you have, speak to your husband, or go out there and see him and ask him whats really going on.
if he doesnt give you proof and good answers let him go.
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 August 2009):
If your gut is telling you something then you need to listen.
I can not begin to guess WHY he has not yet introduced you. It makes no sense to me.
Maybe you should have asked to meet them before you actually got married?
...............................
|
