A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have just found my daughters diary while sorting out her clothes for washing. I know I should not have done but I read the last few pages that she had wrote on and I am worried she is going to do something stupid.The last entry says that her and this boy from school (she is 15 and he is 16) are planning on taking things further, she has given him a blow job but it is all arranged for later this week for them to go the whole way.... she also puts about anal and full sex.also she says about getting a condom or the pill.i dont know what to do as i dont want her to know i have read her diary..please advise
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male
reader, Diaryadvisory  +, writes (30 June 2010):
Well what i would do if i had kids(by the way only 15 here and a boy) and my daughter was planning something like this i would probably go find his dad and talk to him about it and if he didn't like that i would smash him :D no but really i would probably like try to make her go do plans and stuff so she wouldn't see this guy, it kind of sounds like he's using her and i would know i'm a guy but i'm decent i treat girls right and i know a user when i see or hear about one. If that don't work get a restraining order =)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): How you had 'the chat' yet if not talk to her maybe buy her condoms. I know it isnt easy but if she is going to do it then its better for her to be safe.
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A
female
reader, DancingBrownEyes41695 +, writes (3 December 2008):
 ok well i am 13 years old and i also keep a diary. MY parents sadi if they ever came across it they would not read it! but however i find that hard to believe! WEll your daughter is just being a normal teen. i sometime fantasize about sex too. its not wrong its just a normAl part of growing up. however wether you tell her not to have sex or that you read her diary if she really wants it she will find away to have sex. every parent hopes that they have raised there child well enough for them to now right from wrong. And if you did raise her right then when the time comes she will know what to do! in the mean time casually bring it up and ask her if she wants birth control to regulate her period or something so then if she does decide to have sex it will be protected!
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A
male
reader, prof_orr +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Think back mom, you were once 15 and had the same curiosity about sex that your daughter is now experiencing.
Don't blow your cover on the diary reading thing by telling her all the reasons to not have sex because in the back of her mind, she knows that you have sex and that somewhat wipes out anything you might say.
Some parents are aware, some pretend, but Mother Nature is in charge and your daughter is normal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): Hi...a mom's worst nightmare...Been there, done that..Ok mom, I know you're freaked...its really upsetting/unnerving when you think your daughter is going to have sex..but you know what? It doesn't matter what you have taught her, if they're going to do it, they'll find a way. Sounds like your daughter is smart, and at least thinking/planning ahead. I would not in ANY way tell her that you read her diary. BIG NO-NO! Diaries are sacred..and she'll never trust you again...Just try gently, to open up the subject about sex. hopefully you two are close enough that you can do that. something like "honey, I know you're getting older and interested in boys, is there anything I can tell you? anything you need to talk about?" She may not say yes, but at least you opened the door.I mean, sure you can tell her you read her diary and you're terrified for her, but I sure wouldn't advise it. You can do what my mom did to me, rush me off to the gynecologist and get birth control bills (I HATED HER FOR THAT BTW!)..try to be her friend, and be proud of her that at least she's thinking. Of course we all wish we never had to think of our teenagers having sex, but alot of them do, and it isn't a good idea to keep your head in the sand! I hope I helped..and mom? It does get better, trust me. My daughter is now 27, and we made it just fine through those years! You will too! Just try to be as open minded as you can, and let her know you are there. Don't pretend it isn't happening, ok?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): Could you have a mother to daughter chat where you say she's coming to the age of getting interested in boys and ask her if she wants any advice? Not knowing you, I have no idea if she would then guess you had been reading her diary.
Other than that all I can say is next time don't read her diary! If you hadn't, you wouldn't have known about this, and at the age she is, she might not take much notice.
It's all down to how your relationship works. Have you someone close you could talk to, say husband/partner, sister or a close friend who has a teenage child?
Sorry I'm not a mother so my advice is limited, but I hope it goes into the pot to be considered.
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A
female
reader, bluntasaspoon +, writes (9 October 2008):
 basically ...AAARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH every mums nightmare. but... goodness this goes against every bone in my being but... at least she is on about getting condoms and going on the pill. thats the silver lining no matter how dull it is, she is at least being sensible. ish. so how to breach this subject with her.. hmmmmm... d u know how long she has been having periods for ?? i know it might sound daft but maybe u should try something along the lines of "lets get u on the pill so u can get ur periods regular and ease period pains" if she baulks just say that u are only thinking of her. i cant realy say anything more than that hope this helps
bluntasaspoon xx
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A
female
reader, summer08 +, writes (9 October 2008):
Hi. So I'm 15. I know you are worried, as you should be...your a mom. But to be honest us teens are at an age that if it's really what we want....we will do it with or with out our parents approval. My parents are open and unerstand that and i talk to them about things. They disagree with me sometomes, and we respect where we both come from but they give me their input and give me the knowlegded and facts and i make the dissicons..it's y life. But with being able to make my choices...they (my parents) have made it clear i must excpet the concinquences good or bad. they will always love me and support me, but no matter what i must face the concinquences. So trust your daughrt. Maybe talke to her and say look, im not telling you not to, this i your life and your choice. But as your mom i want to talk to ypu and answer any questions you may have. And make sure she does understand concquences...dont try and "scare" her, but talk with her and let her know that this is her choice. Just be there to talk and answer questions...i know its hard....but she seems ready, and shes takeing care of herself, dont tell her she cant...it wont stop her. Let me know how it goes!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): Hello. I may be unpopular to say this, but I've taught my daughter to wait for marriage before she has sex. She's o.k. with that, and she's enjoying her life with all the many activities and opportunities. Sex in a teenagers life only complicates and gives them adult problems...not to mention diseases, heartache, regret...
But since things have escalated this far, you can be the voice of reason to discuss sex, and tell her it's a wonderfully thing between her and the man who loves your daughter enough to want to spend his life with her.
Well it's worth a try, and she just might get a whole different outlook and not want to do it. (if you're like me, tell her some stories of teenage girls with bad/sad endings)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): Hi!
Well, your daughter seems to be taking care of herself. I would say the best thing would be to take her out to dinner or something nice, and ask her if shes ok, dont say anything about having read the diary. Talk to her in a really relaxed setting like going out for a meal, and jsut bring up that shes getting older, and talk to her about contraception and the responsibilites that come with growing up and becoming sexual. Explain the dangers of things to her, but in an accepting way, and in a way that she will feel its ok to talk to you abotu things. Its better to have her having safe sex that you know about and not keeping secrets, than taking risks with contraception/STDs cuz shes too worried to have the pill or condoms in the house because she doesnt want you to find them!
I hope this helps, its what my mom did for me and it was good, i feel comfortable with her, and we have good boundaries!! :-D
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A
female
reader, Aunty Em +, writes (9 October 2008):
 I'm a little older than your daughter; 16 precisely. I too have a diary. If it was my mother who read mine, i'd be VERY embarassed and would discontinue the TRUST me and my mother share. You should't've read your daughter's diary. No matter how curious you were.
Be glad she's thinking about contraception at least, if you're worrying over her.
I'm not sure how you would approach the matter without letting her know about what you did. Maybe you should have a heart to heart with her at some point. Talk about the boys in her life, that you're interested to know about them - who her latest crush is and you'd like to meet him if so! Joke about the birds and the bees to her. It might ease things and she'll open up.
From the other side, I can say it isn't an easy subject to talk to your parents about though :|. GOOD LUCK.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): Don't tell her you read it, it'll only make her angry and put her in a mind to rebel. You can't 'tell' teens of her age what to do, as they won't listen, and will often do the exact thing you tell them not to. I suggest that you have a 'random' sit down and chat with her about the ins and outs of sex. Make sure she's fully clued up, and try to make her think twice about what she plans on doing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): thats kind of a touchy subject. im almost 21 n i dont have any kids. so im just goin from what i think my mom would do in that situation...having sex is a serious think and the first time should be shared with someone you truley care about. you are her parent and you must protect her. she might get really angry but mabey you should tell her you know what shes planning on doing then explain all the concequences (spelling?) it could result in...std pregnancy n what not. but if i had a son or daughter i much rather have him or her be mad at me for a bit then make a mistake to that extent. parenting isnt my specialty so sorry if i wasnt much help. good luck.
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A
female
reader, x..BabyGirl..x +, writes (9 October 2008):
 Drop subtle hints. Say that you've noticed they're getting pretty serious and that she should be careful and use condoms.
If you try to put her off, that will just make her want to do it more. It's hopeless, just drop subtle hints to her that they have to be careful.
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