A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help me.My gf’s past is haunting me. I have images of it everyhour everyday and its killing me inside! We are in a long distance relationship but I go see her every three months. From the start, my gf has been very honest with her past. She didn’t have a good past and admitted she was naive and totally regrets it.She has slept with 6 guys before me. She got pregnant and had an abortion before too. She was totally in love and crazy of this one guy who is a ‘bad boy’ and didn’t want to commit to a relationship. I’m not sure how long they were seeing each other but they regularly spent the night together (every weekend) but in the end, he just broke her heart. She got over it, moved on and had a bf. That guy then came back into the picture and they kept in touch and one thing led to another and she cheated on her then bf. Her ex-bf broke off with her because of that.Some months later, I came into the picture and we got together. It was hard for me to know so much about her past but I love her dearly and accepted it and try to move on. We have been together a year now.Some months ago, that ‘bad boy’ guy started messaging her again and tried a lot of times to get her out. She didn’t meet his request. According to her, she didn’t reply his messages most of the time but did reply ‘once or twice’ just to say she didn’t want to go out or to say thank you for the birthday wishes.Her birthday was last month and I was visiting her for the week to celebrate her birthday but she did not tell me anything then. She didn’t tell me what has been going on lately until this weekend. Over the weekend, he asked her out again but she replied “see how it goes”. Later that day, when he asked for confirmation, she replied “don’t think so, most probably not”. She finally said an outright “no” on the last attempt. When she finally told me ‘as a matter of fact kind of way’, I was very upset. I feel that she should have taken a more proactive approach to repel his advances. I was very disappointed and sad because words like “probably not” and “see how it goes” gives the indication, she is keeping her options open. Given her history with this guy, I feel she didn’t do enough. We talked about the incident a lot. I’m trying to move on from this. Plus now, I have all sorts of images coming to my head. I used to be able to put it behind but now, its there staring in my face. Images of her dancing, kissing and sleeping with the other guy. It’s killing me. I would wakeup and the first thought would be this. I have trouble sleeping till 3am when I’m so tired out. Her actions this few days has disappointed me greatly. The images are causing me to be very upset. The thought of her past is never far away. I just want to ‘fade away’ and not think anymore. I’m not sure how long I can stand this!!! Please, someone… give me guidance and advise.
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abortion, her ex, her past, kissing, long distance, move on Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): Did you feel she acts differently? If she still treats you the same way, that is a good sign.
Don't ask her about the guy. It shows that you don't trust her.
She broke up with that guy twice right? She should have learnt the lesson. I believe she will not keep repeating the same mistake.
Everyone has their past. It is the past that makes who they are now. If you love her, accept everything about her. Put the past aside. What really matter is who she is after she is with you.
Long distance relationship is hard. Without trust, it will never work.
A
female
reader, chandra Mcmillan  +, writes (8 October 2008):
 Hi, I would actually say that your dirlfriend is not actually keeping her options open. I know It has taken her a while but she did say no in the end. It sounds to me that this Bad Boy she was once with had a controle over her and still has. She may even be slightly afraid of him. This is not somthing I can say is 100% correct because I have not spoken with her or her ex.
The thing you have to remember is that she is with you and has told you the most intimet things that have happened in her life and some of those things like the abortion are very hard to discuss.
You have to let the past stay in the past let sleeping dogs lye. If you love this girl and she loves you you have to work through all the problems and tell her how you feel.
Everyone has a past including you and me you should not think of hers as a hinderance as it has made her the woman she is today.
I HOPE THIS HAS HELPED
GOOD LUCK
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