A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ijust found out my stepdaughter is a lesbian shes 16 and has a GF and apparently has had sexual relations with her.I have been married to my wife her mother for five years and im the legal father we all agreed to that her biological father is not a good man.I have established a christian household My wife agrees where not perfect but we wont intentionally go against God, which our daughter clearly has and shes proud of it.shes been dressing like a boy for a little while now i thought she would out grow it hasnt happened. some girl is constantly calling the house to speak with her she doesnt have a cell pone cause her grades are bad turns out they are in a relationship.My wife and i go to church several times throughout the week where very involved we tried to get her to go to even join one of the youth groups she has no interest.she shuts her self up in her room where she painted the walls black the only color is some rainbows which i have come to find s a symbol for lesbianism.When we have fellowship at the house with church members and new comers she will try to embarrass us.shes been arrested on more then one ocasion, I had to pick her up at the station drunk driving.. but when i went to get her she told the police i wasnt her father.I was bound to leave her but i dont think they would have let me.So she wanted to go to a party i told her no she has bad grades is on probation etc there would be boys there and no super vision thats when she said she didnt care about boys shes a lesbian.what do we do now
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (22 June 2011):
 My Mom is a Christian minister in a welcoming and affirming church, so I guess I kind of straddle both sides here. I come from a church where there is (our interpretation) of Gods love available and radiant to everybody. The GLBT community are simply more humans who are children of God, and in our church work with all the other humans to encourage more love, peace, understanding and warmth towards others.
Your stepdaughter's sexuality is not the issue. That has zero to do with who she is or the bad decisions she's making. She is not endangering the community with her sexuality, but she certainly is with her drunk driving! Her bad grades are another issue that aren't being caused by her innate sexuality, they are behavior and focus issues.
Maybe she's in a phase, maybe this is her life destiny - but she knows that her parents aren't "accepting" her, so she's rebelling. I think you really need to step back and see the bigger picture here - she needs a lot of love and acceptance from you guys regarding her sexuality, and then she needs rules, boundaries and limitations regarding her behavior. She needs to see that you want her to be the happiest, healthiest HER she can be. And if "HER" means your lesbian stepdaughter, then that's okay. But getting drunk and bad grades are not healthy actions and that's the problem that need to get solved.
This will be a spiritual challenge for you and a parenting challenge. But my understanding is that Christian love is unconditional. And sometimes loving is not the easiest thing to do - especially towards someone different, who you don't understand or necessarily agree with. So this may be hard, but worth it in the long run. Too many of my GLBT friends have lost touch or have had angry, hurtful breakups with parents who wouldn't accept them and that saddens their spirits every day. Don't break the family and try to force your stepdaughter's innate feelings towards what makes you comfortable. Learn to love without strings and that acceptance will help her know that she is loved and cared for no matter the sexuality, she is worth staying safe and making good life decisions and her parents have faith in her, in the long run as a person.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): She's not your daughter, God made her that way, so deal with it, and speak to your wife about how to deal with the other problems.
Just reading your post has made me not like you. There is nothing, i repeat, nothing wrong with being lesbian or gay. Only religious nuts like you have a problem with it. I'm not saying all religious people hate gays (I'm a very religous catholic and one of my best friends is gay.) but come on. You will have to deal with your step daughter's lesbianism. And your afraid she'll embarass you? Trust me, with this post, you've already embarassed yourself. Why do you care what your church community thinks of you anyway. I barely speak to the members of my church unless i know them outside of church.
Yes, her drinking and being arrested and bad grades are a problem, but you better back off of the lesbians and gays.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 June 2011):
 It could be a transitional rebellious phase , as the rainbows and the dressing like a boy and stuff like that could mean. It's like she wants to draw attention on herself by her choices, and openly challenge you , and what's best to get on a parents' nerves that such a delicate issue like sexuality.
Or, she just could be a lesbian, and as hard as it is for a Christian parent to accept that , I guess you'd have no choice. She is your child, and most of all, according you your own religion, she is a child of God, and as such she deserves love ,compassion and respect no matter what her "sins " may be.
Her sexual choices though have nothing to do with her school grades , or even less with getting drunk or ending up
at the police station at 16 !
It's not that being a lesbian gives you permission to act crazy. There still are rules to follow for everybody, gay or straight.
So, brush up on your parenting skills without being sidetracked by the sexual orientation issue. I don't know your daughter so I don't know what would work best with her: tough love, or a soft approach ; stern punishement, or long talks, or professional counseling. You, as parents, will have to find the right approach to make her shape up- gay or straight, it makes no difference.
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