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I have feelings for an older guy, but my family might be a problem

Tagged as: Age differences, Family, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 May 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 4 May 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *hian2020 writes:

Hello,

I really need your help. Right, here goes. . .

I'm a 19 year old girl and I live in a small, close-knit village in South Wales (basically everyone knows everyone and everyones business.)

For a while now I've been having feelings for a guy in the area. The problem is that he's a lot older than me and he and my father have been close friends all their lives. In fact our families have been friends for like forever.

I hate feeling like this but I can't help it. We've always got on really well and I get on really well with his little boy (he's split from his sons mother, she was sleeping with half of the men in the area behind his back.) We always have a chat and a laugh and I've often caught him looking at me. My friends constantly wind me up, saying that he likes me. He's always there if I need someone to talk to. When I told him that I was moving away to university in September he went really weird, he kept saying things like 'why do you want to away for. Just stay here.'

He regularly asks me to help his son with homework because his son goes to a welsh speaking school and so did I.

I've tried ignoring my feelings but when we were up the local club he started flirting with a woman and I found myself getting really jealous and upset. I know that if anything did happen between us the whole area would know and I can't imagine how my family would react. Please help!!

View related questions: flirt, jealous, university

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A female reader, Rhian2020 United Kingdom +, writes (4 May 2008):

Rhian2020 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Ye I think you're right. Thanx for taking the time to help.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (4 May 2008):

Danielepew agony auntI don't know how much is "a lot older". For some people, three years mean "a lot". For others, twenty years mean nothing.

But let's not worry about this. The fact is that there's a difference between you two. In my opinion, the big difference here is that he's in another stage of life. You're just beginning your own life and he's already a settled man. He's old enough to be your father, I guess. Usually that means that there can be problems later.

Maybe if you told us your age and his, we would know better.

Also, maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think I wouldn't think of a relationship with the young daughter of a friend of mine. It seems improper.

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A female reader, Misti Hdz United States +, writes (4 May 2008):

Misti Hdz agony auntI think that you should find someone else. Not because he is older my husband is 10 yrs older than me, but because he is a real close friend of your dad, and this could cause serious problems, and end the end you two wouldn't work out so why stir up all the drama for nothing. Hope this helped.

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