A
female
age
36-40,
*arm123
writes:I need advice. I have been in a relationship for 17 years, married for 8. I got pregnant a year after dating and moved in with him at 5 months pregnant. He was always the one to go out with friends, get drunk and stay out late. I stayed home while pregnant and after i had the baby. Growing up in a strict home, i wasnt the type to go out and drink. Fast forward 6 years later we hung out with his family who also liked to drink practically every weekend. His cousins wife came on to me when we were alone (while we were drinking). I had never been with a woman and my curiosity got the best of me and I cheated on my husband with her behind my husbands back. It happened a few times with her and once with her sister.Yes i know i messed up big time. Growing up in a religous home i was mortiphied how i could do something like this (being with another woman), let alone cheat on my husband. My later to find out she told my husband what was goung on and they began to have a side relationship unbeknownst to anyone. They exchanged phone calls daily and inappropriate text messages. Long story short, i confronted the two and my husband swore he wouldnt do that again and swears phone calls and messaging was as far as it went. Later i found out they were still exchanging calls and text messages. It finally ended after her husband found the messages on her phone. About a year later, I found my husband messaging and meeting up with another woman from a craigslist ad. He swears he did nothing physical with her. I called the woman and she said nothing physical happened. A few years after that or so i found he was emailing and texting other women AND men exchanging photos from Craigslists ads again. I confronted him and again same story, nothing physical. Over the years weve struggled and because I cheated we dont go to a lot of family events. 9 of 10 times his cousin and wife are not there. Theres been Rumors from What hes told me that his family knows of what happened. Im not allowed to attend any family events even if the "couple" is not there. Anytime we get into small arguments he brings up what I did stating we wouldnt be like this if i hadnt cheated and everytung derived from what i did. I definitely learned from my mistakes and have not done anything else despite of what hes done after my cheating. 3 days after we closed on our 2nd home, I found messages to other women and Men again! He says again it was never physical and he would never stoop that low like I did but gps maps says otherwise showing he was at an unknown home address for an hour after drinking all night. I kicked him out for about a month and we are trying to work things out. I just dont know what to do or how much longer i can hang on. I feel guilty because of what i did and how much i hurt him. He says he chose to stay with me and that ive deprived him of attending family events. He blames me for doing all the things he did. Which makes me feel he isnt remorceful at all. We have 3 beautuful kids now but im feeling helpess. Oral pleasure is out of the question since he can only think if what I did with the other women. Hes also suggested we have a threesome because that will show how sorry I am. It took me a few years to shut that down. He constantly brings up my past when we have small arguments or when hes drinking, which is every other weekend. Should i just suck it up and cope with this? I do everything for him to cleaning and cooking to breakfast every morning, taking kids to and from school and extra curricular activities. Please help.
View related questions:
cheated on my husband, cousin, drunk, moved in, text, threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2021): You are trapped in a situation that most people would find intolerable.
You have a sham marriage and you are always going to grovel in submission to your man because you went with a woman.
It's time to get over it!
You have been manipulated enough.
The only choice you have is to carry on pretending everything is perfect for the 'sake of your beautiful kid's' or to contact a solicitor and seek advice about a divorce.
You are now in an abusive coercive relationship.
You think that you deserve it.
You think the beautiful children have no idea that you doing it all for daddy because if you don't he will tell your secret.
One day he will inform the kids.
But I hope you regain your self respect and move away from him via the divorce courts.
You are not the only woman in the world to have been enticed into a sexual thing and as she and your hubby had a subsequent fling maybe the whole thing was planned anyway.
You have more control over your life than you think you do so start to feel that sense of self respect creep back into your life.
I would say that it's over between you and him but you are just mind bending each other to whittle away the time until the kids are older.
Are you going to remain blackmailed by him forever?
The blackmailer only has power to blackmail you if you let them.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2021): It seems like you keep running into this problem because you still don't understand the true damage that you have done by cheating on your husband. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, you can understand what it feels like to be cheated on. How humiliating it can be. How depressed and disgusted you can feel. Perhaps, if you've really learned your lesson, you would not tolerate such behaviour on your partner's end.
...............................
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (13 December 2021):
Why do you stay in the relationship?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2021): Please read your question back to yourself and imagine your children have grown up and one comes to you and describes themselves as being in this relationship. Wouldn't you tell then to get out ASAP? Would you want this life for them?
It sounds like your husband has never forgiven you and uses it as an excuse to do what he wants. You deserve respect in a relationship, but only you can decide whether this relationship offers you that or if it's completely run its course and you'd both be better off separating.
...............................
|
