Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, annonamous  +, writes (21 October 2010):
annonamous is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts been much easier lately to deal with my problem. Although she is still on my mind all of the time. I realize now seeing her affected actions that its almost to hard to handle even being her friend. Time away has made me see how hard all of this has been. My friends have helped me greatly through tis and so have all of you to help me think a little more rational. Thank you.
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reader, annonamous +, writes (12 October 2010):
annonamous is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm going away for a month so I'm going to refrain from texting or or calling. Thank you Timmd for being to the point and truthful and also to viajante. More and more people tell me she's using me how she sees fit and I think she will keep doing it to me if I let her. I have received a certain level of feeling better from using this website
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reader, Viajante  +, writes (12 October 2010):
Agreed with TimmyD. Stay away, get over her. A relationship can only go bad. I would advise that you reduce contact with her to the minimum necessary in family gatherings. At least until you get over her.
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reader, TimmD  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Seeing/Talking to her is not helping you get over your feelings. She's screwing with your mind. You already know that a relationship wouldn't work with her but your lust for her is making you ignore rational thinking. Your obsessed with needing to talk to her "to make sure everything is okay between you two". Stop. You've done nothing wrong. You don't need to "make things right". She's the one doing all of this. Just stay away from her. You don't have to go out of your way to avoid her at family get-togethers or anything, but don't go out of your way to see her or talk to her. If she wants to talk, she'll call or stop by. Otherwise you are just going to continue playing her game.
Don't. Just keep your distance. You need to get over these feelings, and being with her, being around her, or talking to her will not help.
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reader, annonamous +, writes (12 October 2010):
annonamous is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsaw her in person for the first time today. Over a week since all this happened. Went to her house for dinner and she brought her boyfriend over. The whole time she never even touched the guy. While at the same time lightly flirting WTF!! Is this girl just playing a complete mind f***! I dont get it plus she never said a word about what happened. Maybe she brought the boyfriend to make a point but then again she shouldnt be doing any sort of flirting of any kind especially in front of bf. I think she knows I like her now and is just playing games. I dont know man this is really hard to handle.
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reader, TimmD +, writes (11 October 2010):
Thanks for keeping us updated. We look forward to hearing from you in the future if anything else happens. Hope you enjoyed your holiday. :-)
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reader, annonamous +, writes (10 October 2010):
annonamous is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbeen a couple days since I posted anything. We talked yesterday and we were supposed to hang out today. She said everything was all fine. Now back to the ignoring game. I now realize that going through this pain is going to give me a new thicker layer of skin. If she doesn't want to talk to me anymore that she is a waste of my precious time. Ive searched inside myself for something that I have done wrong and cant find it. I know I'm a good person as well and there is a woman close by whom is deserving of my time and love. Just wanted to update and say thank you to anyone who posted something here to help. Thank you all again and Happy Thanksgiving! (turkey day in canada)
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reader, annonamous +, writes (8 October 2010):
annonamous is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess what I'm really wondering is why she led me on. I feel walked on. It's pretty easy to see that the idea of close family getting together is forbidden. I'm okay with that to. Just hate being lied to.
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reader, TimmD +, writes (8 October 2010):
If she's conflicted? Yes. She may understand that a relationship with you wouldn't work out in the end and still being "friends" would just make it harder for her. Sometimes the best way to deal with these feelings is to just withdrawal yourself from that other person. Give both people time to cool your emotions down.
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reader, annonamous +, writes (8 October 2010):
annonamous is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's been a week now since we spoke. Definately trying to rid the feelings. Its gradually getting easier. I am debating not seeing her till she's ready. Thanksgiving dinner this weekend was where I was gonna see her again but I don't want to feel even worse than I do now after seeing her. Yes quite the conundrum. To my delight just finding out she has a boyfriend anyway. Would she throw a friendship away for something like this?
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reader, Viajante +, writes (8 October 2010):
I do not envy your spot, but wiping out any romantic feelings you have for her might be the best path. Remember your kids!
Man, this is quite a conundrum.
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reader, annonamous +, writes (8 October 2010):
annonamous is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never had the intention to date her. It was something unexpected that just happened. I have thought about this for a while. After the long abusive relationship she just came out of I am like a crutch as she to me. I think that being apart for a while to let the situation get over it self is the best answer. I realize I need to try and squash my feeling for this woman. It's just been confusing being ignored when we used to hang out e wry day. I think maybe she is just as embarrassed as I am and that's why she ignores my texts calls and whatnot.
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reader, monkey friend +, writes (7 October 2010):
Don't ever date your ex's sister. It will cause your ex to become angry at you and can easily tear up her relationship with her sister. Once you break up with someone you break up with their family too; not move down the line until all possible female members have been evaluated by you.
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reader, annonamous +, writes (7 October 2010):
annonamous is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTime moves to slow when going through this but I hope ur right.
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reader, TimmD +, writes (7 October 2010):
The only thing that'll help that feeling in your stomach is time, my friend. Good luck and I hope it all works out for ya....
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reader, annonamous +, writes (7 October 2010):
annonamous is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I totally feel that way. I have been around when she has had a boyfriend and it bothered me a little bit. I agree that kissing and cuddling and whatnot is not tied to friendship. I feel led on and im confused. So I guess I should take a step back. We are the best of friends REALLY. Im glad I posted this for some insight. Now to deal with the pit in my stomach.
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reader, TimmD +, writes (7 October 2010):
Also, be honest with yourself. "I just don't want to lose her as a friend..." Do you really feel that way? Would you still like to be friends with her when she has a boyfriend? A husband?
Many times people use being friends with the opposite sex as a way to have them in their lives because they have feelings for them. Being friends doesn't include kissing, hugging, cuddling, or any kind of flirting to be honest with you.
I can understand you not wanting to end things badly. My suggestion is to just let it go for now. Give her space. Eventually she may just contact you, otherwise in a week or so you can drop her a line. If she starts talking to her again, that gives you a chance to head it all off before it gets out of control. Tell her you value your friendship and think it's best if you both remain friends.
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reader, annonamous +, writes (7 October 2010):
annonamous is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know its dangerous. I guess I just dont waana lose her as a friend. I always had feelings for her it just hurts that she cut me off. And yes i think she may be ignoring me after seeing ourselves together with my kids (her neice and nephew) she made the comment that she felt sick....so maybe I'm reading into it to much.
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reader, TimmD +, writes (7 October 2010):
You are walking a very dangerous path. No matter how close you may be to one of them, and no matter how good of a relationship you think you may have.... sisters will always choose their sister. The same goes for brothers. They may say they understand why things happened the way they happened, and they may act like their sibling is at fault, but it doesn't matter.... you cannot win.
There are several possible scenarios including:
1. She feels guilt towards her sister for getting too close to you.
2. Her sister found out and forbid her to talk to you.
3. She feels guilty towards your children, her nieces and nephews.
4. If you and your ex had a bad breakup, your ex's sister thought long and hard about it while examining her relationship with you and feels the same thing may happen between you two.
Unfortunately there is no good possible outcome for you if you pursue a relationship with this girl. Your relationship will forever be compared with her sister. That goes for you two and outsiders looking in the relationship. More times than not, sisters are extremely similar. If one didn't work out, there's a good chance the other will not either. For the sake of keeping things civil for your family and especially for your children.... end it. Stay friends.
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reader, QdBrown +, writes (7 October 2010):
She likes you, but she probably came to her senses and realized her sister would never forgive her when she finds out, not to mention it would make for some weird family conversations. The kids belong with sister number one, and sister number two is now with daddy.
I would give her time to see if she contacts you or shows interest, but I would back off and forget about it if she never seeks you.
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