A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I was in a weird relationship with this boy , I’m 20 now he’s 24 I met him when I was 17 but it was really just a hi and bye thing he was dating my cousin at the time and they were sweet hearts . Me and him got involved when I was 18 and my cousin was no longer in the picture , he was my first real t love , he was used to sleeping with girls and just quick ‘ flings’ he met me and we both fell deep very intense very crazy things happened we had a deep emotional connection beyond belief. Due to unforeseen circumstances we were never able to be together , his life my life clashed , a lot of issues arose from us even being involved so we would back off from eachother but the universe would bring us together again . Currently I’m dating this new guy it’s been about 2 months he’s great I really have strong feelings for him but I know they’re not like my first love and that will be impossible to re create . He reminds me of him a lot and I’ve grown attached to him . My current boyfriend has introduced me to his cousin and long story short me and his cousin have a better connection and we both know we love eachother deeply . I don’t know why or how but it’s happened , I don’t know wat to do
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2019): I'll go a few steps further; and say that you get attached very easily, and most of it is superficial. Going through the motions of love; because you live in a fantasy-world.
Yearning for forbidden or unrequited love.
Life is not a romance novel, my dear! Don't be a drama queen in your own little soap opera. It's time to grow-up!
Snap out of it!!!
You haven't really learned to release your true-feelings and make a real romantic-connection with a man. You're still a child, and you fantasize on what love is. You have notions of love you've created; and you always want the guy out of your reach. I am almost certain his looks have a lot to do with it. If he is related to the guy you're with; being forbidden makes him all the more attractive to you.
I think it's time that you get out of your present relationship. Avoid committed-relationships for the time being; while you work on yourself. Guys aren't stupid. Your boyfriend will catch-on. You can't fool people indefinitely.
Stop overusing the word love. You don't quite know what it is yet; or you would value the trust you're given, and you'd love the person who has given you their heart. It is clear you will be a guy's girlfriend; if he asks you to, but that doesn't mean you necessarily care for him. You wouldn't be eyeing and lusting after his cousin; if what you say you feel for him is true. It's not, and probably never was. He was useful to you in some way. You needed somebody to be a boyfriend. He applied and got the job.
You're like a kid in a candy store, you want everything you see. If he belongs to someone else, or happens to be a relative to the guy you're with; that makes him appealing to you. Do you see a pattern here?
Stop committing to monogamous-relationships, and try short-term dating. Even better, take some time-off from getting yourself attached to relationships. Just to say you have a boyfriend. That's owning people like pieces of property.
Ownership of another person's feelings is not love. Nor is lust!!!
You're immature, and don't know how to commit yourself; or be faithful to the person you're with.
You need time to mature and learn more about yourself. You need to get control over your hormones and impulses.
You're suppose to drive and control your actions and impulses; not let them drive or control you.
Maturity gives us a sense of self-awareness; and allows us to use our judgement and discernment based on experience and wisdom. Knowing where to apply our common-sense and make good choices in our lives. To be fair and compassionate to people. Knowing how to be loyal and faithful to those we love. In spite of temptation. True-love is faithful!
There will always be temptation. Decency and loyalty makes us fight it. You don't go numb. You still get attracted to other people, or feel aroused around certain people. That's the purpose of commitment. It's a promise to reject and forsake others for the one and only. With real devotion!
You're just throwing your feelings around like fertilizer; but nothing grows from it. You are also likely to cause trouble between cousins; because you stand in the middle, and you're plotting in your mind how to get next to the other guy. Rather than concentrating your feelings on the guy you have.
Don't become a Jezebel! That's a bad start on life! You're young, but not a kid. You're molding your character into the type of woman you're going to be.
Break-up, and take a time-out to be single and independent. Get to know and improve yourself. Then you'll know what/who you want; and you'll learn to fully appreciate someone who comes into your life, and gives you his heart.
All that lovey-dovey drivel over your boyfriend's cousin is childish nonsense. Its got nothing to do with love. It's mostly feelings below the belt. You're developing a cheating spirit. You're better than that! Be true to yourself and others.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (13 January 2019):
 Being in a relationship is never going to stop you feeling attracted towards other people. However, how you choose to handle that attraction defines who you are morally.
If this boyfriend is not right for you, then finish the relationship. Be kind but be firm. Say it is just not working for you.
I am intrigued as to how you and the cousin know you love each other. Love comes from knowing someone, accepting their weaknesses as well as their strengths, going through hard times together and coming out the other end. It is not some airy fairy "the universe sent you to me" thing. It is much deeper than that.
While I do totally get how you can feel that someone was sent to you for a reason, if that is how you feel about this cousin, then you need to end the current relationship with your boyfriend and see if there really is anything between you and the cousin. Cheating is never right, under any circumstances.
I get the impression you are a person who loves the idea of being in love. It's all about "connection" for you. None of this is out of your control, with the possible exception of your feelings. What you DO about it is TOTALLY your responsibility and under your control. Perhaps you just need to enjoy being young and feeling these feelings until you mature a bit and realize you cannot live your life purely by feeling "connection" with people, otherwise you will never be happy because there will always be one more person you feel about in this way.
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