A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 5+ years and have a 3 year old and one on the way. My problem is my wife is not as excited about sex as I am and I have cheated on her numerous times. I have not had sex with another person since the summer but I have had oral sex given to me multiple times over the years. I cannot tell her as she has stated that she would leave. I do love her and couldnt live without her, but her lack of drive really gets to me. Most of the time I have to nearly guilt trip her into giving me oral sex or regular sex. How can I impress onto her that she needs to take care of my needs to a)keep me happy and b) keep me from wanting to go elsewhere?
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cheated on my wife, oral sex, sex with another Reply to this Question
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female
reader, melissa_batty  +, writes (26 January 2007):
I think you should work with your wife not against her. You should both work together and you shouldnt resort to another woman!
A
female
reader, Seratuki +, writes (26 January 2007):
 You don't want your past deeds revealed..
Well, honestly thats too bad for you, you made your bed and now you have to lay in it..(Just not with someone else) ok..that was bad...lol
Anyway, your wife probably knows what you've been doing. My ex. would cheat on me all the time and I could always tell just by looking at him.
Leave your poor wife be. Take her to counciling together and stop cheating, or let her go to find happiness elsewhere.
If she takes your children you can still have visitation unless you're proven unfit somehow...
Sara
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2007): W -
I have thought about going to counsuling. It is something that we need to go to. Its just a matter of actually going and sitting down. I just dont want this topic of me getting some on the side to be revealed since I know what will happen.
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A
male
reader, W +, writes (25 January 2007):
Sex is a need. Obviously it's understandable that she is tired and has other things on her mind and she needs your support right now more than anything else, but I'm going to disagree with some of the other posters and say that you can't just stop having sexual urges and become happy about enduring the rest of your grim life without sex by sheer strength of character.Still it does worry me when you say "I have told her to go to the doctor and see if she needed some hormones or to go to a shrink to get any 'issues' straightend out." What, and she wasn't happy with that suggestion? Maybe get some counselling TOGETHER...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): Looks like your trying to be "the man" and accidently got you rhead stuck up your butt. You dont care about her except for donation to your sex life. WOW thats a new low. pretty selfish their anonomous. if your wondering why no one is giving you any advice on how to get better sex out of your wife, ask your lovers, they'll be delighted to tell you whats wrong with her. You need therepy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): First of all, I personally don't condone adultery in any way shape or form or for any excuse. It shows a great deal about your character or the lack there of. I wouldn't blame your wife if she left you.
Second, you need to start accepting responsibility for your actions as well as your own needs. Your wife is not to blame for your promiscuity. There has to be reasons why she isn't as interested as you are, such as too many responsibilities with kids, errands, housework, etc. Perhaps she's simply too tired. Maybe she doesn't feel attractive? Maybe you're not focusing enough on what would arouse her because you're too worried about getting yours. Whatever it is... if you were a concerned husband you should have found out and tried to help in anyway you could. Instead, it sounds like you abandoned your wife and went getting what you could where ever you could outside the home. That just isn't right.
If your needs aren't being met by your wife and you feel you can't continue on that path, you should stop making babies with her, divorce her and move on. What you did was wrong and if you love her, you'd want better for her than that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): She has been this way even before having children, so its not like this is something that has just started. I have told her to go to the doctor and see if she needed some hormones or to go to a shrink to get any 'issues' straightend out. I want to get a grip on this situation before it gets to the point where she takes the kids away from me. That would be the worst thing of all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): Marriage is between two people through thick and thin. Obviously, a huge part of your needs are through sex. She's not meeting your needs, so on your terms, you should definitely seek divorce and go out and have your sex fix elsewhere. Mind you, I do hope you will follow through being a better father even if you are divorced with your wife.
You can love your wife no doubt, but do not taint the sanctity of marriage so grotesquely.
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (22 January 2007):
 First of all i think u need to start respecting your wife and stop making excuses for your infidelity. the reason why your wife is not interested it might be because she had felt that u are not interested as your heart is somewhere else. so she feel disrespected and used believe me it is easy to know if your partner is there during sex or not. you have wondered away all this time instead of taking responsibility you start blaming your wife. did it ever occured to you that she also want to be happy and be satisfied? do you know her needs? remember sex is controlled by our emotions if your heart is not there it will never be good no matter how hard she will try. i dont understand why u say u cant live without her when u can hurt her like u do, are u sure its not obsession? because if u love her so much why risk loosing her? i think u guys have to improve your communication. because i dont think she knows how u feel, does she know what you would like her to do when making love or you just wish she will turn into a psychic and read your mind? and when she cant read your mind you decide to go out? maybe if u start planning on making her happy then you can ask her why she doesnt bother then take it from there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): Wow, this really is something that's become all about you hm? Your wife is trying to juggle looking after a 3 year old with being pregnant, something which can really affect your sex drive. She's without a doubt more tired than normal and possibly even less in the mood. Yet regardless of all these things you are cheating on her and your kids by going off with other women just so you can get some? That's appaling behaviour. Grow up.
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