A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and yesterday he touched me 'down there' (just outside my clothes) for the first time. I'm not ready to reciprocate just yet, but I feel selfish because I'll receive but not give. I was getting to that stage naturally, but now he's gone first I feel pressure to do it and I don't want my first experience to be like that, I want it to feel natural. I told him I'll talk to him tomorrow (he's knows it's about that) but what should I say? And is that the right thing to do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 In the long run, my guess is you would feel fine about pushing your boundaries a little, but that's just a guess - I don't know you, and there's not much to go by in your post.
So, if you don't want to push things, just say so. Thank him, tell him you understand it's not really fair to him, and ask for his understanding. He should understand. He will probably try to advance things again in the near future - that's not from a lack of respect if he stops when you ask, it's just part of how things progress naturally.
Whether he keeps touching you, and you want to keep being touched without touching back, is between the two of you. Just because it's not perfectly "fair" does not mean you two won't enjoy it - relationships can be funny that way.
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 You should tell him that you want to stay away from the sexual side of things because you are not ready yet and you feel that it is unfair for him to do these things for you and not get anything in return.
The right thing to do is to wait until you are comfortable with it so that you two can enjoy it. He'll understan better when you put it in terms of it being unfair to him rather then focusing on the fact that you are not ready yet. It gives the same message yet shows him that you are thinking of him too.
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