A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello i met this man on dating site we talked for 11 months, i saw him through webcam, i talked to his family through the phone he was supposed to visit me . But i told him that i will move to his country for study but then soon the war broke out in my country. So i had to wait 7 months to meet him. He told me before that he had a sex problem and that he stopped searching for women when he starting talking to me. But when the war came he lost hope and could not wait any longer so he brought a woman to his house for 10 days for sex. What bothers me is that he was talking to me on the phone all this time and sometimes crying asking me when iam comming. Now he told me he had sex with a woman when i have some days to meet him.I feel betrayed and hurt do you think i have right to feel this way. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 you have every right to your feelings.
His behavior says he can't make a permanent healthy commitment to you... please rethink this relationship.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Honestly, I would let him go. Sexual addiction is hard and something only the person WITH the addiction can do anything about.
I think he sabotaged the relationship, becuase he doesn't feel he deserves you.
I'd run a mile the other way.
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A
female
reader, kandykane +, writes (27 September 2011):
Forget about him. He will do it again.
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 You are absolutely right to feel this way..........not because you guys had some kind of commitment that he broke but because he acted with disrespect towards you AND that other woman. He simply used her while continuing to talk to you because he is selfish and immature and wanted to have his cake and eat it too!. Distance yourself from this man and save yourself from more hearache in the future. This is a major red flag and if you accept this now you won't be able to complaine if he does it again in the future...... Make it clear to him that you are hurt and mad at him by ignoring him and not talking to him for a while. If you do decide to talk to him again as friends, leave it at that.......just friends and do not get your feelings involved. This man sounds like he doesn't respect women and is very immature!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 September 2011):
 Chigirl has some good points.
I will bring this a step further here and mention that he said that he has a "sex problem". He went out and had sex when you were mere days from meeting him. This means that he lacks self-control, and has a sexual addiction.
Unfortunately, even if you were in his life locally, he would still cheat on you because sex is a compulsion for him.
You have every right to be hurt and upset, but I think in the end, if you do the right thing and look elsewhere for a good guy to be with, you'll ultimately be relieved that you saw this side of the guy before making too many sacrifices for him.
Truly, with this guy, the only way the relationship won't end up in flames is if you allow him to sleep around compulsively while you're with him. I don't know about you, but it would not work for me one bit.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 What war? Where are you from? Where is he from? How old is he? I'm cautious with people who meet online and live far away... so many risks involved.
If you and him made no promises to each other to stay exclusive then you can not feel betrayed. It might hurt, emotionally, but he did not make any promises to stay faithful to you. He didn't do anything wrong as such, yet he feels guilty about it, and you feel hurt by it. Yet, I think he shows he cares for you and is sad about not being able to abstain from sex until you met. However, it is what it is.
You have the option to go see him and take it one day at a time, to see how things develop between you two. You know he is a person who needs sex, you must discuss that. If you are to be in a long distance relationship, how will it work when he needs sex? And how often does he need it, will you be comfortable with that? Will you and him be exclusive in the future? Will he be able to stay faithful? These are things you must talk to him about before you make your decision.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): You do. Its up to you if you want to forgive him. After all, its not like you guys are married. Think of it positively. He was honest with you about it. He could have kept it from you. His honesty should show you his dedication. Let some time pass and see if you still want to see him. I dont see this as being something to forget about him for. He did not build an emotional connection with this other woman like he has with you. He cares lot about you to have told you the truth.
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