A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts,I'm confused about my feelings. I met a guy at a charity event and was instantly attracted to him for some reason. I really wanted him to take me out and focused all my attention on him. The charity events lasted one week and at the end of the week he asked me on a date. I went on the date with him at the beginning of December and since then we've been texting all day constantly and seeing each other maybe once or twice a week. The only problem being is that when I met him on the first date all that attraction I had for him wasn't there. I new he wasn't really my 'type' but there was something about him l. Looking back he's older than me and very manly, he was also in work clothes so I couldn't see his style or anything. As soon as I met him on that first date the attraction wasn't there at all, but we had got really friendly. I really really enjoy his company but I am not attracted to him in that sense at all. We both ended up having a few drinks and I told him that whilst I enjoyed his company he wasn't my normal type and that I wasn't looking for a relationship either. So if he wanted that I wasn't his girl. He said he realised he's not my type and that we are totally different to one another, from our dress sense to the way we live our lives. He said he didn't want to stop talking to me though and asked if we could just go with the flow. So that's what we've been doing since, but I have to keep reminding him nothing will come of this and I know he's really fallen for me. Part of me knows I should end this but part of me also likes him for his personality. He's gone on holiday today and we haven't spoken in 24 hours. I'm really missing him already and want him to text me. I don't understand this situation. I am not attracted to him at all, I don't have that physical thing towards him. I want to see him though and I miss him when he doesn't talk to me. What shall I do?
View related questions:
on holiday, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2014): In a really similar situation to you except that I am physically attracted to mine, well sort of, but our personalities are so different. I'm just going with the flow like you, and its better when you stop trying to define things. Time will tell you when to call it a day or not :)
A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (1 February 2014):
 Why do any relationship between a man and a woman should always be sexual nowadays ? Can't it "just" be a friendly feeling ? Is that not enough ? Is it considered as a pure waste of time ?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2014): As I can't seem to login to my account, I'm stuck this way. But anyways.
There's nothing wrong being friends. So you felt no sparks. Maybe they'll fly later on or you'll just might have a good friend. Can't go wrong with that. Technically everyone's different and you don't necessarily have to be the same peas in a pod. There are people together who are very different.
Give the guy a chance and if you end up liking him in that sense then good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2014): You are focusing mainly on his outer appearance.
Unable to fit him into the "mold" you've subconsciously set in your mind.
Your imaginary-prototype of the "perfect-look" for the man for you. He has the perfect personality, that's what attracts you to him.
He's masculine, and sensual. Polite and confident. You can't accept the packaging. He's not as handsome as you're accustomed to. Not as trendy and predictable as you're used to.
Be flexible; even if not in his case. Allow yourself the benefit of a variety of types. It increases the odds of finding a better match. It decreases the chances of making the same mistake of always finding the wrong guy.
Your previous boyfriends probably look similar to each other. Same eye-color, height, the way they wear their hair, and their body-type. It is expected for them to be younger.
Try breaking the mold. Appreciate a guy for who he is.
He doesn't have to be your boyfriend. Just keep an open- mind; just in-case.
You like a "type;" which won't let you explore outside your preset criteria. A standard set that you have to be a "handsome couple;" in order to impress others, and not look like you're lowering that standard. It's good that you're picky. That also means you're strong.
You're preoccupied with the type of image you set when you're out together. The lovely pictures you setup on your Facebook page. Somehow I sense that overrides how you really feel about him.
That's okay. Sometimes a guy grows on you. It's better when that happens; because your mind will pay more attention to who he is, and what he stands for. Your heart may follow.
Try liking the person beneath the surface. You're afraid you won't impress other females or your friends; because he's not the usual pretty-boy that compliments your ego; and makes you feel half of a power-couple. You're probably an attractive young woman. You turn heads.
That's okay too.
He said let if flow, and see where it goes. He'll give up when he realizes it may remain in the friend-zone. He's older as you say. It wont' be the first time he didn't get the girl he wanted. You can stop reminding him you're not attracted in that way. He's not an idiot. I think he got it the first 100 times you reminded him. He may have resigned himself that it's gone as far as it will ever go. He still likes you.
I think you're afraid of falling for him; but you might be ashamed of him.
If that is the case, end the friendship; but let him down easy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Charleybabes0811 +, writes (1 February 2014):
He said he doesn't want to stop talking, so just be his friend. Maybe the romantic feelings will just need some time.
Providing you're open and honest about your feelings and both on the same level then you'll be fine.
Good Luck!
...............................
|
