A
male
age
36-40,
*yclemeover
writes:This is a complicated situation and I want to include as much details as possible. I met this girl a three months ago at a function. i'm 20 she's 18. After two weeks of talking every night on the phone for 5 or 6 hrs we finally got together and started dating. After 2 weeks together, she would stop calling me and finding excuses which i found to be weird. The first thing my instincts told me was there was another guy. So i confronted her about it and she got defensive accusing me of cheating. I ignored her outburst and the next day brought it back up in a lighthearted way. She admitted that she had a bf and has been dating him for 7 months on and off.. That she didn’t intend to start dating me but she ended up falling for me and she is confused and she didn’t want me to get hurt because i'm a nice guy so she was trying to push me away. I told her to take her time and decide since she was confused. The relationship between us just kept getting better and more intimate (sex 4 nights in a row). Afterwhile I was getting fed up and I told her she had to chose between me and him… we had a fight and the next day she told me that she needed time to be alone and we should be "friends" while she figured out what to do. A few days past and she calls me and tells me that she's left him and wants to be with me. I took her back. The relationship was like a rollercoaster for the next few weeks, with her sometimes acting extremely mean to me and we broke up. We decided to stay friends and she got a new bf two days later…after a week she left him and we were attempting to make it work. At first she insisted i should move on and when i said it was hard but i'd try she started saying i was the one but by that time i had started to agree with her on the moving on thing. We decided we would be lovers while we worked on getting to know each other better. About a week ago she started acting mean to me again this time i broke all contact with her for a few days. Then a few days later i called her and we had a fine conversation everything was great but the next day i called her she had an attitude with me on the phone and then forgets to call back (never happened before). The following day I harmlessly put a pic of a friend (a sexy girl) on myspace because of an inside joke. She commented on it with a '?' and her attitude on the phone following after that kept getting worse. I was the only doing the calling.So I went over her house to talk but her bestfriend was there and she treated me like i didnt existed. So i took her bestfriend alone outside and we talked and I asked her for advice and she said she was just stress and there’s no other guy just give her time to call me back. Yesterday she calls back but I was upset and didn’t answer any of her calls or voicemails. now today i was snooping around on myspace and found a comment she left her ex that said "i love you" dated around the same day (her ex birthday) she started having an attitude on the phone. I was so angry i deleted all my comments i ever left her on myspace, deleted all the pics i had of her and msged her to do the same. She responded and said i was the one who chose to end it this way, that its nice to know I’m still alive and to not talk to her bestfriend again because it wont make her jealous and the bestfriend was not interested in me and she cant get jealous then blocked me from her myspace. I havent called her as yet and i'm not sure how to deal with the situation. I'm angry (alot calmer now) and hurt but i still care for and she’s the first girl I ever loved (short time I know but I cant help it). Should I let sleeping dogs lie or try to figure whats going on? I don’t want to lose her especially over a misunderstanding and if I have to lose her I rather do it on better note. What do i do now?
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broke up, her ex, jealous, move on, myspace Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Agony Aunt Saskia  +, writes (6 July 2007):
This is turning into a repetative circle. Stop seeing her so much and move on.
A
female
reader, bovvalicious +, writes (5 July 2007):
 i think you should move on, she clearly only wants you as friends and thats a goof thing. I wouldnt confront her about her ex because she may get angry that u want to know and can't let it go. Maybe being there when she wants to talk about it with you might be enough because you wouldnt be invading her private life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): Yoou seriously need to move on, she is giving you every indication that she is not into you and she is taking advantage of your kindness and attention and interest in her as entertainment....you say you are OK with just being friends but you are lying to yourself about that, you have no right to ask her if she is sleeping with her ex, you are not her boyfriend, and a friend would not care, but you do, you have a different agenda, and she knows it...she is trying to keep you at arms length.
If you want this silly girl the only way to get her back is to dump her, and move on, she sounds so spoiled that if you withdraw your attention most likely you will be getting a call at 2 am. Just be careful of what it is you wish for. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (2 July 2007):
 Why is it you think that by looking on her myspace account it's going to stop your hurting, surely you have heard of the saying 'the truth hurts'.
She sounds to me like one of these people that needs to have lots of male attention or to put it more bluntly a bit of a player.
You sound like a nice person so don't waste anymore time on her, get out there and find someone that will treat you how you deserve to be treated.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, cyclemeover +, writes (2 July 2007):
cyclemeover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've read all the responses and i'm grateful for the input. I wanted to post an update. I took your advice called her back went over to her house and told her we could start again as friends with nothing sexual. She agreed so I spent the night with her cuddling on the couch untill she went to her bed. We talked about friend stuff and everything seemed fine.
Yesterday, I was over her house again watching a movie with her. Everything seemed fine between us. To settle my hurting, I went snooping again on her myspace and found a message she sent to an ex (dated a few days before the "i love you" comment). This is the same ex she was with for the 7 months on and off. In her messages she told him she was feeling ill and he said he knew how to fix it and she said to him that he shouldnt come over and try anything sexual cause she was not in the mood for sex. I didnt let her know about that message or the "i love you" comment.
However, I told her I wanted to ask her something but she would get mad she promised she wouldnt so I asked her if she's slept with him since i've been with her. She said no i told her i felt differently and she took a bible and swore on it that she has not. She said that they hardly spoke and he was still angry at her for the break up. But Later that night she needed to go somewhere and i couldnt take her and she calls her "ex" to take her. He didnt seem a bit surprised by the call at 2 am in the morning. He of course found some excuse why he couldnt take her.
I am still blocked from her myspace and her msn but her ex is on her top friends list. I'm still hurting and i'm not sure what to think about the ex. I dont want to jump to conclusions but at the same time its eating at me. How can i confront her to get the truth? or should i just move on? thanks
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007): I think she is acting like an 18 year old girl who is more concerned about having a boyfriend, any boyfriend and one she can feel like she can control....she has shown a lot of immaturity, and the mySpace stuff is just childish on both your parts, but then I don't really get the whole mySpace thing and how it works to build a relationship, it seems more like a meat market, we used to call those bars and athletic clubs in my day, now it is done on the internet,....She is a typical 18 year old girl who will make her mind up based on the way you treat her and if she is pleased with you or not, it has very little to do with what she feels for you, she does not get it, it is all about her at this stage in her life....if you enjoy this drama then call her, don't call her, it really won't make that much difference, you can probably expect more of the same ...
There are 20 year old girls who are a bit more mature out there, why don't you try to date one of those for awhile and see what you think?
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (30 June 2007):
I think if you really feel this strongly for her and don't want to lose her the only thing you can do, is tell her how you feel.
Tell her that you need her to know that you love her and want to be with her and try and make the relationship work, but that you would like to give her some time and space to see if that is what she really wants aswell, this also gives you time to get over what has happened.
Set yourself a time that you think is reasonable to wait for her responce to this, and if you hear nothing it has been left on good terms on your side and you can move on knowing you have tried.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, bovvalicious +, writes (30 June 2007):
I think you should call her to talk to her or send her an email or something. just because you two couldnt get on in a relationship doesnt mean you cant get on as friends. Maybe you should try to ignore the attitude girls can get abit bitchy sometimes and not mean to be. To me it sounds like she is confused about where she sees things going so she tries to push people away until she can figure things out i think you should try and be a friend for her and listen if she wants to talk to you about thingshope i helped!!
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A
female
reader, Agony Aunt Saskia +, writes (30 June 2007):
You obviously know what you want. You want her. The lady mentioned in your problem obviously does'nt have a clue. You have only known eachother for a few months and so much has happened that would be hard to recover from, such as getting angry with you for no apprent reason and jumping from one relationship, into one with you then into another for a week...i'm not sure i would class that as a relationship though!. from what you have said she comes accross as having a very immature attitide to relationships with men, she must have exploded with jealousy when she saw the picture of your friend on MySpace and retaliated with a terrible attitude towards you, if anything that is only going to push you away, i think that she does care for you, but not as much as you do for her, you say you love her but have admitted you've never been in love before. my advice would be to call her or arrange to meet her and clear the air between the two of you and stay friends. You will get over this, be single for a while and find someone who, at your age, has the same mature attitude towards relationships as you do. You will soon realise that this period of your life was a learning curve, you don't want to get involved with someone who has an unpredictable personallity, you will never be happy otherwise!.
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