A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 9 years and have been together for 12.I love my husband but I have fallen in love with someone else, a good friend of us that we both know since 12 years ago.I never thought that once you get married you could love that person so much and yet fall in love with somebody else.Anybody else has experienced the same?It's not fun at all because you can't control your feelings and did not expect this to happen but it still did, somehow against your will.I think it's normal to be attracted to other people through all our lives, in the end we are only human, right? But one thing is attraction and the other is to fall in love, how can it happen?Anyway, it has been a year and a half now and I can't forget him. I wish I could but I just can't.I would be very happy to know that others have been through this before, it wouldn't make me feel so lonely.Thanks in advance for your answers. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): hi... im in a situation too. its really that hard to fall in love with another man.. i too cant fight the feeling of not getting with him.. ive made so many promised not to talk or to get in touched with him but i just cant do it.. my husband doesnt know all about this.. i still love my husband, its just that we dont talk/converse too much when we are at home, tired of work perhaps it the most reason why.. i dont know if this is one reason why ive fallen to someone else.. hey you are not alone.. we're on the same boat.. me too dont know what to do... but i am now trying to stop it becoz i know this is not right...but i love the man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): What can i say? Eddie has it so right. It is a slippery slope and once you leave your lovely husband who is to say that life will be a bed of roses. what if it isnt? You cannot expect your lovely husband, who you have left to let you back into his life. You will rip his heart out and if he does let yoou back in his life then life will never be the same. Trust me, life isnt always as green on the other side.
Take a good long look at what you have, if you dont love your husband then have the decency to get out and let him meet someone that he deserves. If you do love him, then put this thing behind you and give him 110% and love him each second of the day. Go away for a holiday, put some life back into your marriage. But tread carefully, as eddie said, it is a slippery path!
Take care.
xxx
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (8 October 2007):
 First of all, let me make a suggestion. Watch the movie I think I love my wife. It's a new movie with Chris Rock. I think it will enlighten you. I watched it last night. You didn't give a lot of information about the situation. Does he know your feelings? Did you cross any physical lines? Did you flirt, encourage of promote the feelings/relationship? Is your marriage generally good?
You're correct, feelings come and go. I'm sure this other guy has warts too. There are probably many things about him that would bother you if you were a couple. It's possible it's time for you to reinvent your marriage with your husband. Is the sex good, do you treat each other like you're still lovers. So you take time to do special things for each other. Do you focus on the relationship? Are you spending too much time thinking about this other man? Eventually, the mole hill will become a mountain if you keep making it more than it actually is....an attraction.
Let's say you left your husband for the other guy. What would happen the next time you were attracted to another man, would you leave man number two. Do you see my point? Relationships are what you make them. It's an umbrella that covers you and your partner. As time goes by, the number of things under the umbrella becomes greater. In other words, the relationships grows, changes and matures. You begin to love and appreciate your partner on levels that didn't originally exist. You see other qualities that should impress you. The trouble is that we become so busy and focused on so many things that we forget to take stock of what we have under the umbrella. We take for granted that the guy has been holding that umbrella up for 9 years and it's no longer impressive. It's just the same old guy, with a sore arm.
Naturally some good looking, nice man will turn your head. What does he offer though? Can he hold up the umbrella. Maybe, maybe not. The difference is that you made a promise to your spouse to be faithful and respect your marriage. Attractions are not nothing. The let us know we are nothing more than big cluster of cells that can work on a very primal basis. Our word and our actions are what indicate our integrity.
If you no longer loved your husband or if he was a jerk, you'd be justified in considering your future. If this is just a lustful infatuation, think long and hard before you take another step in the wrong direction. I don't know f you've already crossed the line but once you start down that path, it's a slippery slope.
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