A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 25, been in a gay relationship with my partner of 4 years, he's 28. We have good jobs and live together in our city flat.In most respects, our life is good, no issues there, apart from our sex life.My partner does not seem to want sex any more, and I think I know the reason why he doesn't. It's not that he can't have sex, it's more he doesn't want to.I found a lot of pornographic magazines under the bed and hidden in cupboards when cleaning our house when I had a day off from work. He was away at a work training course week.The magazines had women in bikinis/lingerie, scantily-clad women in them, and were ones like FHM, Maxim and there was also hard-core pornography like Readers' Wives and other less savoury pornography featuring women that I found.When he returned from his training course, I confronted him over this, but didn't try and get angry, I just was sensitive and calm and was trying to understand why he would do this, but he won't discuss it with me.I feel shocked he was looking at heterosexual pornography, it feels like he emotionally cheated on me.Even worse, it's made me question as to whether I want to marry him - we got engaged about 6 months ago after dating for 3 years. We are, or were, supposed to be having our civil partnership ceremony soon - but now I feel like I can't trust him.Where do I go from here? This is causing me so much stress inside I don't know what to do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): You don't tell us very much about his background and whether he had previous heterosexual experiences. That would be relevant. As he is reluctant to have sex with you, I think you should reconcile to the fact that he is maybe tiring of you. Nothing, or very little, lasts for ever. You say that you intend marrying, but from what we read, we really can't tell who is the driving force behind that plan: you, both of you, him? It is not unknown that people feel they have been painted into a corner and agreed to something, like getting engaged, because they didn't have the heart to say no. As for the straight porn, it might well be that he is on the turn and fancies a little of the other side for a change. And why not? Everyone keeps urging everyone else to 'explore their sexuality' but that usually means trying to get straights into bed. But what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
A
female
reader, Chay +, writes (23 July 2009):
 Hey honey. I know exactly what you’re going through. Often homosexual people have dreams involving opposite sex it doesn’t mean you want that, it’s normal. The same way straight people have dreams of the same sex. Or have magazines (like your mister). It could mean your partner is curious, but I doubt he is heading on being straight due to him wanting to marry you.I have been with my partner for over a year, and once I found her looking at heterosexual porn. I asked her if it was because she wanted to be in a straight relationship, she said no, she doesn’t want that she just wants to know what she is missing, to me it hurt. But I know she isn’t going straight.Perhaps asking your mister again why he has these. Try and put you in his shoes, he must have been ashamed, guilty and embarrassed that you found out and confronted him. You love your man it’s very obvious but don’t go about this like he is cheating on you, have faith in him I know it hurts and you feel like you’re not enough, you need to find out his side of it, and why he is not willing to have sex with you, when he is ready to tell you and not walk away.You’re a strong person; show your boyfriend how strong you can be.Best of luckChay x
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A
female
reader, Lovely Sweet Laura  +, writes (23 July 2009):
 If he won't even discuss it with you that gives me the impression that he is struggling with some mixed feelings and likely doesn't no where to start. I would suggest approaching it again and ask if he would be willing to help you understand his reasoning for his behavior. Again do it in a kind manner and stress that it is for the betterment of your relationship together if everything can be shared and out in the open. If he still refuses to talk to you about it then perhaps it is best to take some time apart from one another until he feels he sorted out his issues enough for himself that he can discuss it with you. There is no sense in just waiting around to see if it continues. It will just keep you feeling insecure and no one wants to feel that way. Maybe he is bisexual and just never felt the need to disclose that information to you. The fact is you both need to be open and honest about your concerns, needs and feelings. If he ignores that fact he doesn't care to much about the relationship you share. Best of Luck !
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