A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi really need some advice i have been married for 3 yrs now and have a young boy of five. Things in my marriage have not been going to well i find that most days we argue over silly point less things and i feel as though we are growing apart. Over the last six months i have become very close to a female friend from work who is also married with two children there is no doubt that there is a spark between us. We have been seeing each other descretly over the last three months although nothing sexual has happened between us we both have feeling for each other care deeply for one an other and both feel that there may be something missing in our marriages for us to feel this way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): I agree with marie claire. There just is no justification for what you are doing. It's F*cked up. And you know it. So go ahead and leave your wife and your child to be with this lady then. I don't know. You don't deserve her anyways.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): I know. I was just wondering why he would alter the details, such as amount of time & such things...to get approval maybe. Maybe he thinks it's better if the married woman has 2 kids instead of 3. But yea, he is going to get the same answers, unless another male who cheats on his wife thinks it's o.k. decides to chime in with his opinion.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (9 August 2007):
 Well, the first thing I thought of when I read the title was "No Excuse" and I must say I stick by that. Your actions can lead you nowhere good. Think of your son. He's very young, think about what you could do to him.
Talk to your wife about how things have been lately. See a marriage counselor or something, and maybe that will be the best time to talk about this other girl. I can't say for sure, but what I do know if, you and your wife need to talk.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): Female Anon below,
Both these questions came from the same IP address. I checked. But my point to the questioner was, he can ask this question as many times he deems fit (and if it's continually approved by our team of moderators) but chances are, he will keep getting the same answers! Which the other Aunts answered, wonderfully, by the way. I merely wanted to know what he is seeking for an answer is something that will validate that what he's doing is okay. If someone wants to give him that..then fine. I expressed my thoughts on this issue 3 times. I'm done. Going to move on now. Next! :D
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): The question isn't the same, because in the other question he's been married 7 yrs., this question it's 3 yrs. And the married woman in the other question had 3 kids, this time it says she has 2 kids. In this question it's over the past 6 months he's developed feelings for someone at work, the other question says over the last 2 yrs. So what is going on, sir? Is this the same person, or just consequently very similar to that other question? Seems a bit odd. Maybe he's trying to make himself feel better by altering the details of the affair..hmmm..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): Hun, this question of your came up a few days ago. See:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-married-and-have-been-seeing-a-married.html
I don't know what type of answers you seek, but it's apparent you seek some sort of validation for what you are doing. Why don't you just sit and read all the advice given you...on both your postings and try to understand where a lot of the Aunts are coming from. Life is full of choices, everyone has the freedom to make the best choices for themselves and their families. You stand to hurt so many good people with your unthinking behaviors. Just remember, when a person does something in the moment for just a moment's worth of pleasure or to avoid the displeasure of dealing with your marriage problems...you will live with this memory and the consequences for the rest of your life. And if you have a conscience of any type, you will also live with this knowlege. Leave the mistress alone. If you are unhappy, talk to your wife...you at least owe that to the woman you married. If it's hard for both of you, then end it, and make this a negotiated, compromise together..a decision that you both arrive at.. If you do it this way, then the child's feelings of loss and pain will be lessened, somewhat. If your wife finds out you want a divorce because there is another woman involved, you will suffer greatly in the divorce process. She won't go down without a big fight. Think of your little boy.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 August 2007):
 Something missing in your marriage is no excuse for your behavior. Something missing in your character is. Move out and separate from your wife and do some real hard thinking. Leave the homewrecker alone until you sort your marriage out. Try to dig up some honor and integrity.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 August 2007):
 The obvious advice is that you need to talk things through with your wife first. If that doesn't work, then you need to think whether divorcing her would be a wise thing. And then, after all this, could you consider this woman you're seeing as a serious option. The circumstances are not the most favorable, and you would need to sort all this out.
She has to make the same decisions herself. Perhaps you two could end up together, or perhaps you came close to each other because you were both in need.
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