A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello all. Some much needed advice. I have had an affair for three months with a girl at work, who i began to get to know a good half year ago. She worked in a different office and we used to constantly e-mail, then when it was gettin out of hand text constantly. Shes in a bad relationship. Anyhow she is a good girl and told me when it started coming to the crunch she had been a little unfair on me as she had a bfriend. We split of the heavy contact for a couple of weeks and then got back in touch both apologising. Funny thing is we spoke for a good hour and it was so good to talk for both of us. Anyhow things continued to grow contact getting more house visits etc and eventually we both were weak and the affair began. Now I have never done anything like this before nor her and its torn us both to bits and her life has been massivly disrupted. She now doent know what to do as the feelings from both sides are out of control but we cannot carry on as we are. We are currently not in dead regular contact as she went cold on me when i went to see her despite her being desperate to see me the day before? and it made me fed up with her ups and downs but i know this is all down to her confusion, Im confused too. A few days later she apologised and said said i deserve better, I know this and told her but also know now shes losing me she is really upset and down. Its like we are both losing our best friends because of our weakness and she cannot figure out what she wants while she has two in her life. I wanna give her space to straighten herself out and figure it out herself but its driving us crazy not being in constant contact even if we have agreed to stop the affair? She aint gettin on at all with her bfriend at the moment and i dont know if thats to do with me - he doesnt know, or cos its on its way out as it was before we met. I can completely accept if she has chosen him but spoke only the other day and reckon hes been treated worse, which i feel bad about and she does too. I also could tell she is still mad about me but cannot cope with the complications. She is now miserable that she spoke to me I can only imagine its cos it made her feel guilty on her boyfriend or she is missing me like crazy (which i think it is). Anyhow after what is done i have realized the sex although mind blowing (wish it had been crap and we would now be best friends)has blown both our heads with the combination of strong friendship.I now am at a crossroads where I have to move on. She has said before when she has took flight that she doesnt know if she can split with her bfriend and goes cold but then reality kicks in and she realizes how much she feels for me and cannot do without me and we become closer. What do you think i'v left her by telling her no matter what i want her to be happy in her life no matter what cos thats what we both deserve? Then she bounces the ball straight back, telling me what a gorgeous wonderful person i am, thanking me etc. Should i leave her be to make choices. I dont want to loose my best friend nor does she. But can it work as friends only? Should i wait until shes single?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Daniel Cookson  +, writes (26 May 2008):
i am in the same situation near enough.
I met a girl not long ago, and the day i met her
i thought she was so lovely.
ive known her for a few months now, and we like
each other more than just friends, which we found out
over a month ago now.
we want to be able kiss and go out and everything, but she has a boyfriend. this is frustrating because i really want to go out with her, and she does too, but she wont leave her boyfriend just yet.
but you have to consider, if shes cheated on her boyfriend, and wants to be with you, whos to say that she wouldn't do it again to you? which can be pretty hurtful.
ive talked to some of my friends about the situation, and they feel that it could be worth moving on, as you could be waiting around forever for her, and that it could end up hurting you even more.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): i am in the same situation near enough. I met a girl not long ago, and the day i met heri thought she was so lovely. ive known her for a few months now, and we like each other more than just friends, which we found outover a month ago now. we want to be able kiss and go out and everything, but she has a boyfriend. this is frustrating because i really want to go out with her, and she does too, but she wont leave her boyfriend just yet. but you have to consider, if shes cheated on her boyfriend, and wants to be with you, whos to say that she wouldn't do it again to you? which can be pretty hurtful. ive talked to some of my friends about the situation, and they feel that it could be worth moving on, as you could be waiting around forever for her, and that it could end up hurting you even more.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (9 August 2007):
 Hi
Im getting alarm bells ringing here & i dont know why.
I think it was towards the end when you said you back off from her & she draws you in again.
But only you know the real her, and her situation. Is there children involved? Does she live with him? All relivant stuff i guess, but you should really get to a point where you need to get her to choose because at the moment she has yo both & is deceiving her boyfriend & he might well not deserve that. Would you, in a couple of years time?
Just be careful & start thinking about what you want.
Dont you deserve someone that can give you their all?
Are you single?
C xxxxxx
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