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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have been chatting with this guy online and on my email and we haven't met each other yet. He was telling me that he would be away in Africa for the holidays and won't be back until Jan5th. He said he is anxious to meet me and I am having some doubts about who he really is. He is a nice looking guy but his writing on the IM doesn't match the same on his profile, which is written very well. He will say, "Am going to call you." And he doesn't say "I'm going to call you." I'm not putting him down but I don't think he is who he says he is. And I feel kind of stupid for letting him sweet talk me especially for someone I haven't met. He wrote this and sent it to my email, "My world let me start by saying that I thank God everyday since I found you. You came into my life when everything seemed so dark, but you provided the light to find my way. I've never been so certain of anything in my life like I am us. You have totally changed my outlook in life and I thank you for that. I never thought someone could love me like you do, but guess what, I love you that much too. I feel as if I am walking on clouds just thinking about you. You make my life complete. I know we could get upset while in love, but you know what, I wouldn't mind being a fool for the rest of my life. I love you so much and I know you love me too. I know that others look into our relationship might think that we are saying too many foolish things too soon, but they just don't know how we feel about each other. There's nothing foolish about the things I have told you, I meant every word I said. I love you. I would do anything, I love you so much. Today, I promise you that I would do anything in my power to make you a great person, outstanding Mother and loving wife."Now, this is too much for anyone to absorb. I started to question him and asked if he was the guy in the photos. He got defensive and said that if I didn't believe him then go back on the dating sites and find someone else. He also said that he was done with me.So I didn't talk to him anymore and started talking to other guys. Out of the blue he contacts me trying to sweet talk me like nothing happened and I told him that he hurt me badly. He was calling me from Africa pleading with me telling me he still loved me. And he even started masturbating on the phone saying he missed me. I wanted to hear his voice a little bit more and it sounds like he has a bit of an accent. On his profile it states that he lives in Valencia, CA and he told me he lives in Waterbury,CT but his mother lives in West Africa and his dad is German. I went back on the dating site and alerted the staff that he might have a fake profile. We continued talking on the IM through my email and he was asking me for naked photos. He asked me why I would refuse to make love with him and I told him that we have never met, we are not married,and we hardly know each other. During this conversation he asked me for $150 dollarsbefore he gets back home. I said that I didn't have any money to give him. So I started thinking he is a scammer. He said, "Honey, I want you to help me with anything" and he used my name. I know there are huge red flags here but I was really hoping that I could find love this year with someone.All I wanted was for this man to be the guy in the photos. I try not to focus on looks too much and the guy is bald and I didn't even care about that. Ifeel like I will never know who he really is. And I know this may sound strange, but the way he looked in the photos, the voice on the phone did not match the way he looks. He looks like he's soft spoken and a bit macho. I hope that makes sense.Was I right to question him?
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (30 December 2013):
 Find love closer to home.
For guys I would say join a cooking masterclass as there will be a pool of women there. Some available and some not. But more gals than guys.
For gals I suggest, instead that the girls join something like a wood carving class, as there will be guys there. Yes you may have to purchase a minimum of wood carving tools and start a project (I carved a mirror frame as my first project)
You don't have to own a boat to signup for "safety on a boat" classes but I can guarantee that you will find guys there who own a boat.
Sit down in the break and ask the nicest available guy, "what motivated you to buy a boat" They will love to tell you.
Just choose activities where there are more likely to be guys than girls. Nice guys. Gentlemen who will make a beeline for the pretty lady in the class.
Get to know a guy and how he interacts with his peers.
If he is a show-off and too full of himself avoid him.
If he is respectful towards you then talk to him in the break. Smile at him. Ask him a little about himself. Or reveal a TINY amount about you. Let him work to find out the rest.
I am very sorry that your desire for companionship led to this nasty scammer.
It may even be better to start an entirely new email address and share the new one only those who are important to you or who need to know the new one.
I do hope that 2014 turns out much better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHell everyone and thanks for the responses. He contacted me again on my email asking for $100 so I told him I didn't have it and to ask his family. I am contacting the phone company to see if they can block him. And he has my cell so I will do the same on that phone. Haven't figured out how to block him on my email. It's unfortunate, but the staff on the dating site couldn't reveal anything to me and his profile is still
active. The advice she gave was just not to talk to him. I will take a look at those scamming sites to get more information. Thanks again and I will update you on what's
goin on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 December 2013):
 SCAMMER Scammer scammer. WITHOUT a doubt.
It's SCREAMING at me... You know this, but you are flattered by the all talk of LOVE and commitment.
Block him from contacting you ever again.
And contact the dating site you met him at.
Don't tell him any farewell or anything JUST block him. And if you can't block him on the phone... I'd get a new number. This guy can track you down if you give out too much information, I really hope you haven't.
Don't be so desperate to find love that you will let ANY dude USE you like that. Come on, Lady. You know better.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 December 2013):
I am very sorry to tell you that yes it is a total scam. Please see the exact same letter(as the one you received) on the scam site called stop-scammers.com
Do NOT reply to him ever again. Change your phone number if you have given him your phone number. He is playing you.
if allowed to continue contact with you he will no doubt put the pressure on you for money eventually.
Also his own family life over Christmas was possibly too hectic to give you time.
Block him from contacting you ever again.
here is the scam site.
http://www.stop-scammers.com/letter.asp?id=2123
the site stop-scammers.com lists many similar scams on
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (29 December 2013):
 He's a scammer. Did he give you Western Union details to transfer the money to him?
Yes you're right to question him, and anyone else dubious. 2014 is a new year for you to find someone.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 December 2013):
 you are 100% correct to question EVERYONE YOU MEET ONLINE until you have met them and their family multiple times over many visits. ONE meeting in public means nothing.
NEVER have phone sex
NEVER send nude or sexy shots
NEVER send money or give ANY bank info....
DO not give your address (if they want to mail you something get a PO BOX but never give an address at home or work)
even if the picture is of the guy in the photo... that's not the guy of your dreams.
move on... join a reputable dating site where at minimum the men have to pay. I hear that eharmony is free right now....
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 December 2013):
 I can say with 100% certainty that he is a scammer...sorry!
You just have to google African scammers and you will find a huge amount of stories about lonely women who have been targetted by these organised gangs...and they do operate in gangs.
The internet has allowed these criminals to set up fake accounts and addresses, use fake photos and obsollete mobile numbers to fool women into thinking they are speaking to 'good' 'honest' 'hardworking' 'genuine' men.
The content of the e-mail he sent you was probably scripted somewhere in Nigeria and mass e-mailed to hundreds of other women. Logically it is not possible to fall in love and promise so much to someone you dont know, but these guys know that someone somewhere will be lonely enough to take the bait and then the game begins...and it ALWAYS ends up with them asking for money!!
First a small amount is requested, backed up with 'I hate to ask' 'My mother is sick' 'I need money so I can come visit you'
Some are even more brazen and will ask an unsuspecting women (who thinks this will lead to love and romance) if she could cash a cheque and once his wages/money owed/vast inheritance from his uncle who is an African chief...she can have her money back!!
He used your name?...and??? what difference does it mean that he used your name? Only that he is determined to rinse you for money. You refused and questioned him and then he got nasty and said he would finish with you!! This is suppose to make you go into a panic so you divvy up the cash!!! a lot of women have fallen for this and once these guys get 'into your pocket' they will not let go until they have every penny...and you will STILL be thinking this is a genuine thing.
Type 'african scammer e-mails to lonely women' in your google search bar...and read and read and read...you might find some very familiar stuff.
I once knew a lady who fell for one of these scams, she got to a point where the guy wanted her to send some money to his address in Nigeria. A male friend of hers heard about this and packaged up a rather well disguised and vaccume packed dog turd and duly sent it to the address with a 'postage paid on delivery' stamp...that is what you ladies should be sending!!
Even if there is the slightest chance that this is not a scam, it's clear that this guy is a chancer and manipulative to boot. he has a nerve asking for money and getting shitty with you...Is that really someone you'd want to be with.
If you must, do a little detection work, check out the addresses in the US, he is giving you. Ask him where he works and what school he went to...but under no circumstances give him any money!!!
http://www.euroweeklynews.com/news/costa-blanca-south/item/117831-online-love-lost-scammers-target-lonely-women
http://www.gunafood.com/mystory.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1354155/African-fraudsters-make-80m-year-ripping-women-desperate-love.html
Some of the hundreds of articles on African scammers.
Please dont fall into this trap. date local men who you can actually meet and get to know a bit better.
Good Luck x
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