A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, here it goes. It's a bit lengthy, so I apologize in advance.When I was younger I had a really hard time making friends my own age because I was so serious (maybe some would say mature). I just had to grow up quickly for personal reasons. Anyway... I had a teacher that I became really close to in school, and I started developing feelings for her. They were typical crush symptoms: butterflies when she looked at me, thinking about her constantly, that hot feeling on your face when I was anywhere near her. I just... swooned. Throughout my years in high school we remained somewhat close. We talked via email, and we would see each other maybe once or twice a year. Sometimes I was a bit impulsive and "flirted" with her via email, and sometimes she would flirt back. She would say something cute or emotional, and then in the next email I could feel her retract. She's very difficult to read. She always has been. She's also very private. But I know she cares about me because she has told me. Okay I'm sorry... now I'm getting to the meat of the issue...I know it's normal to have crushes on your teachers. I've seen them, experienced them, helped friends get over them, etc. But this feels different. This IS different. It's been six years since I had my first "crush" feelings for her. (I'm in college now) And at first I rationally waited for my feelings to fade, but they never did. The closer we got(get) the more I see her in a new way, as if all of the layers are being pulled back. There was a change, and I felt, when it turned from "crush" to actual romantic feelings. As we got to know each other more and more throughout the years I started to love this developing person I was experiencing. I can't explain it, but she is the only person in my life that I don't have a wall with. When I'm a mess or upset or something good happens in my life, she's who I want to share those feelings with. When I look at her I literally lose my breath (she can attest to that). I make a fool out of myself with her... I'm impulsive and cliche` and corny, which is not who I am at all with anyone and everyone else. She has me hooked. And I hate it, but I can't help it. If there's one thing I learned in my life it's that you can't help how you feel. This is where my question comes in...She has given me NO signs that she is interested in me. She's flirty sometimes yes, but she is never suggestive or overly affectionate. I have never told her how I feel about her, and after holding all of this in for so long... that's all I want. But I never want to put her in an awkward position or make her feel obligated to "let me down easy" because, unlike most people, I don't want her. That's somewhat of a lie. Of course I would love to be given the chance to make her as happy as she makes me, but that's not my motive at all. I was in a long term relationship for three years, and I loved her so much. But when it came time to settle down and move forward, I couldn't because my whole heart wasn't in it. So this has been weighing on me a lot. Please believe me that I've tried to just get over her... but it's not that simple. I've given her flowers and cards and silly things like that, but I just want her to know that she's more than just words to me. She's more than a crush on your teacher. She's six years of feelings and contemplation and analyzed emotions/thoughts. She's just a person, who I want to get to know and who I care about so very much. A person I love. But regardless of if she has feelings for me or not, or if it is "just a crush" or a waste of time or a possibility of being successful, in order for me to either move on or see if this can go anywhere I need her to know how I feel. I've been waiting for the perfect time to tell her for years, but the truth is that the "perfect time" doesn't exist. I'd like to believe it's always the right time to tell someone you love them or have feelings for them or think they're the most beautiful thing that you have ever seen or that they occupy every thought you have. My friends (and by friends I mean two people) have told me that I should just tell her. I have nothing to lose. But I don't want to lose her. I'm scared. Should I tell her? Is it selfish? Does anyone have any advice on what I should do in general? I basically convinced myself that I need to tell her how I feel, but if you don't think I should please say so. Thank you so much for listening to this ridiculously long rant.ps. Almost every day since I practically convinced myself that I need to tell her how I feel there have been signs. I don't really believe in signs or things like that, but I can also take a hint. This is something I saw today: “If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it’ll cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there.” Just thought I'd add that in there.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2014): alright (luv ur ? by the way) so my advise is to tell her how you feel ask her to dinner and then at the right moment (if there is one but don't let that stop u)i know ur a girl (i wrote one 4 you before but it got earased somehow but thats besides the point) advise:tell her how you feel don't be shy you'vee known her for a long time so u know how she is. and maybe next week u could take her out for doughnuts and coffee if u drink coffee.and see what she says.i have a crush on my former female teach 2 so ur not the only one:)
i hope this helps u it helped me thanx
An.
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (29 December 2013):
 She knows you have feelings for her, and if one day you confess your feelings it won't be to get her but rather to get closure. I am for telling how you feel, just not what you want to do with her. It won't burn your life to the ground. You may be surprised that a heavy weight off your shoulder would be lifted.
The reason why I think you should tell her is because all these years you kept it in and it didn't work. You tried having relationships but your heart wasn't there. What you would lose is a dream but what you gain is the potential to a reality that's satisfying to you. Sometimes our attachment to a mentor figure can be romanticized. From your background you sound like you had to adopt the parent role for yourself. And now still parenting yourself. You are showing gratitude towards this teacher and believe it or not all love comes from the first figure who cared for us. And then when our need to be nurtured is satisfied we look for our equal. We leave our nest, so to speak. The love that your teacher had for you is not the romantic kind of love. Nonetheless do not be afraid of sounding like a fool. If she had studied child psychology she understands why you are feeling the way you do. All you need is a confirmation that she does not love you the way an equal partner should. It doesn't mean losing her friendship. If you have to limit contact it would only be for your good, to give room to find that special someone to reciprocate your love.
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