A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have very few friends and have been this way all my life. There's a guy who I think is interested in me - in fact, I'm sure he is. I really like him. But he has loads and loads of friends and is extremely well connected - in the field that we work in social life is inbuilt into the work and he is extremely well respected and could pick and choose whoever he wanted to meet up with socially. People always imagine that I have loads of friends, but I really don't - I'm very bright, intelligent, funny and can come across as very confident, even though I'm not at all. I have no problem at all in chatting to people, but have very few friends - and they are not 'well connected', just friends who I like and who have hung around long enough to become longer term friends. My concern is that he will a. negatively judge me for this and realise I am not as well connected as everyone thinks/that he will think I'm a loser b. that it will just cause a problem further down the line, if we wanted to do normal couple things like go out with other couples - if it's his friends all the time, then he would probably find it a bit frustrating? Is it possible for a man to not really mind or care that much if a woman doesn't have that many close friends? Will it seem better if I am at least involved in activities outside of work, such as community groups and so on? I know the reason I don't have many friends is that I have Asperger's and I get very confused and baffled by friendships - I find it impossible to know if I;m being manipulated or not and, in that past in to try to fit in, I've ended up acting in the role of 'carer', giving a lot of care to friends hoping that they won't reject me - and I've ended up being used and dumped, even by friends after six years or so. I really like this guy and I'd be so upset if this issue were to prevent something happening - I guess I feel I want to know before anything does happen, just because I don't want to get hurt. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (5 August 2014):
 You are over-thinking this. Trust me. I do not have Aspergers, however I do have both a Severe Anxiety Disorder and Bipolar Disorder, and due to me having these things it has caused me to be in the same situation as you. Throughout my life I was known as things such as the class clown, I knew a lot of people, but none of them became anything close to a friend. I got on really well with people, and when anyone ever spoke about me they would say what a good laugh I was. However, even though people would say that, no one really bothered with me, so in all retrospect, I had next to no friends. People were under the false impression I was popular, the reason they had this false impression was because it seemed I had all the attributes of a popular person. I was kind, funny, intelligent and much more. However the actual reason why I didn't have many "actual" friends, was because unlike a lot of popular people, I wasn't afraid of telling the truth. If someone asked me for my honest opinion I would give it, and that scared people away. They say people are scared of the truth, and I guess thats why people choose not to bother with me as much, because I was genuine to the core. Also due to my intense honesty and kindness, like you I was used and dropped by many people who thought they could use me to get what they wanted, and while I was being manipulated I didn't once realize it. However I have gotten much better at it now and can recognise the signs before someone gets that far. Then there came a time when I got myself a boyfriend who knew EVERYONE! I was so intimidated by it that I turned very very shy. I was worried what people would think of me, I was worried that I wouldn't fit in or I would always be the outsider because i'd never met any of these people, but actually guess what? Meeting all these new people actually HELPED my situation. The more people I got introduced to, the more confident I became and more friends I made, it also helped me to tell from the people who were being genuine and the ones who weren't, so it was a good learning experience all in all. So for that reason, I think you now being with this man who knows a lot of people will help you a lot! And trust me, he isn't going to care if you don't have anyone to introduce him too, because I am sure he cannot wait to introduce you to the people he knows, and that my dear is how you might make life long friends. Be confident, be yourself, relax and enjoy it! :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2014): Just be yourself. Aspergers and all. When you relax and just do what comes naturally with you, you'll be more attractive because you're in your element. Don't stress yourself trying to become who you think he wants you to be. You'll be stressed and won't sustain it and he'll wonder what happened to the happy woman he met the first time.
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