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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Is it normal to worry that anytime your boyfriend is out of your sight, that he is cheating on you?I worry constantly. And it is affecting my peace of mind as it is eating away at me and causing me great anxiety and stress all of the time.I have been with him in a long term relationship. But for some reason, no matter what he says or does to try to reassure me, I just cannot believe him. I cannot find it inside of me to trust him. I LOVE HIM and do not want to leave him. And this is why I have allowed it to tear me up this way and for so long. But I am not sure how much longer I can take it.I have had anxiety issues for some time about life in general. And I am not sure if this is just another manifestation of my own problems. I worry about everything. One time I had a lump in my breast and I was panicked that it was something bad. And I had some serious panic attacks and did not sleep at night, crying a lot, convincing myself I was dying. It turned out fine as it was normal to have lumps during my period. But I saw it as a death sentence. Now I will not go and get any kind of health related tests or check ups because the fear of something being wrong literally consumes me. Literally scares the hell out of me so I would rather not know.I just constantly walk around preparing myself for worst case scenarios. It is exhausting and I am not sure how to overcome this. It has taken a toll on me. I am never even keep with my emotions. Either I am very high or very low.Does anyone have some good advice for me?What can I do to TRUST my boyfriend? Could my trust issues be a result of my paranoia?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 May 2016):
 Have you seen your doctor ? Your shrink, actually ?
I realize that telling a person who's paranoid about seeing doctors... to go to a doctor may not sound like good advice, but it is the only one which can make sense in the circumstances.
As Janniepeg said, and as it results from your post, anxiety is INSIDE you. It's not the circumstances which make you anxious and paranoid, because you are always anxious and paranoid. Change the circumstances, like, hypotethically, change boyfriend, and your problems would remain. If you had no boyfriend, you'd find a way to obsess about work or family . Because what needs to be fixed is inside, not outside.
Said that, to your question : could my trust issues ( in ref. to your man ) be a result of my paranoia, my answer is : it depends. They could be, but it also depends from exactly how reliable and trustworthy and sincere your bf is.
I am saying this because I have got the feeling that you are a repeat poster afflicted by a partner who is unreliable and untrustworthy by definition and who is very good at covering his tracks.
You know the old joke, the one which goes more or less like " Just because you are paranoid, it does not mean that there CANNOT be strange dangerous men following you around ".
Regardless of that, since your anxiety spills over to other parts of your life beside your love life, I'd see a good specialist anyway- the sooner the better.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 May 2016):
 You have to realize that it is not something outside that's causing you anxiety. You have anxiety in you and everything you see becomes fearful.
There is no guarantees in life. The only control you have is within yourself. What you should trust is not what he does, but rather, if anything bad happens, you still got yourself and you can survive it.
One of those rubbing stones had wisdom that people take for granted. It goes, “There are only two things to worry about, either you are
healthy or you are sick. If you are healthy, then there is nothing
to worry about. But if you are sick there are only two things to
worry about, either you will get well or you will die. If you get
well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if you die there
are only two things to worry about, either you will go to
heaven or to hell. If you go to heaven, then there is nothing to
worry about. And if you to go hell, you'll be so darn busy
shaking hands with your friends you won't have time to worry."
Worrying is always about the past and future, things that could happen but has not happened, and probably won't ever happen. If you can train yourself to live in the present moment and just feel, you will realize that nothing bad is happening to you. It's just in your mind.
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