A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 21.I've been with my bf for 3.5 yrs now and have only ever slept with him. I have this urge to explore and experiment but i don wana throw this relationship away coz im the only girl he's ever slept with too. And he is 23 yrs old now; such guys are hard to come by. Also, the excitement that should come with sex is gone. No spontaneity or anything. Im so bored but I know this is worth holding onto. But I regularly wonder what it would be like to sleep with someone else. And like, is it okay to get to the end of my life and only have slept with 1 guy? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): I have a similar problem, only my boyfriend (of 3 years) has had sex with other people. He is my first, and I feel somewhat curious about others. But there is a high probability that any relationship we enter now in our 20s isn't going to last for the rest of our lives, no matter how much we want it to. So I'm not going to end this relationship for the possibility of having a fling with a couple of guys and then finding out it's not worth it. I can wait until when (if!) we break up to explore.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): You'll HAVE TO explore other relationships...by this I don't mean you have to "jump into bed" with every guy...you're just so young!!....I got married when I was 22...I'm 35 now....busy getting divorced...after 13 years of marriage...do not throw away YOUR life for the sake of a serious relationship at such a young age...
You have your whole life in front of you....
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A
female
reader, hurleyflipflop  +, writes (19 August 2008):
 and another thing...DONT let your friends influence your decision by saying crap like "you're too young"!!..lets face it, if you find something sensational everyone is going to want it...b/c all those same friends that were telling ME that stuff in reality were just jealous of the love we had and tried to ruin it for me...
please don't let go of something you know isn't worth letting go of!! the feeling of irreversible regret is the worst..
but if you really are unhappy give it some breathing room & do it the right way by being truthful about everything he asks..& he will ask trust me.
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A
female
reader, hurleyflipflop +, writes (19 August 2008):
i had this EXACT problem just about 2 months ago..
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and are around your age (20) & he is also 23 and the only person I've ever slept with in that time..i understand where you are coming from ENTIRELY..
so of late i got a whole less of a physical attraction to him & sex definetly lost its initial spark...so i decided to go on a "break" to "find myself" ...well let me tell you if your boyfriend is anything like mine (awesome & worth holding onto) you'll realize the difference between him & other guys as quick as i did..regardless of the fact that i am a smart & beautiful girl these guys just took me to be "arm candy" as i would call it..or a hook-up...basically after 2 months i realized that i was hurting the most important person in my life & that no one could compare, so we SLOWLY are rebuilding things..basically i needed that to assess the importance of my relationship with him..
if you go this route & decide to have time on your own or "explore" just be careful that you don't lose him in this..its most definitely going to cause turmoil with emotions (his & your own & maybe even the new guys) so expect that too =/ also if and when you do get back together don't jump in head first! start slow, & pretend its new all over...we are currently doing that and have seen an improvement in our attraction to each other because its like 3 years in were dating all over again...but i couldn't be happier!!
good luck--im not logged in, but my username is: hurleyflipflop if you need anymore advice...hope you find your way this is a tough one
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A
female
reader, Happivibes  +, writes (19 August 2008):
 you are so young and if you feel like this now imagine how frustrated you will be in 10 yrs time. if i was you i would ask for some personal space, to sort through your goals and find what matters to you in life. if you suggest 3 months, then a re assessment it will give you space to find out if you love this man so much nothing else matters or if he was just part of your growing as a person. there will be other men who perhaps give you the friendship commitment and the sexual fizz that every relationship needs. keep your options open and try to stretch yourself emotionally. if you and your boyfriend are meant to be together, you will soon know and if you are not then , far better to know now rather than in the future with kids, dogs and mortgages.this is the time for you to be free and discover what you want to make you happy, personally, sexually career wise, do not settle for second best so young. sending you happy vibes to light your way.x
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