A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am currently best friends with a girl I used to go out with. Recently, we had a chat because she had been having trouble with her bf but that seems to have been resolved last night. The problem is that the situation was very similar if not the same as what happened between me and her when we broke up. She never told me why she broke up with me but I accepted that. However, last night she told me she doesn't want to get hurt in relationships so when there's a chance of it happening, even if it's considered silly she distances herself from that person. That's what happened to me and as a result, without knowing what was going on (because she wouldn't tell me) we broke up.I could see it happening between her and her current bf last night. I was in a predicament as I'm not the kind of guy that takes advantage of a situation like that. Such actions disgust me. So, I helped her to improve the situation with him just as what I would have wanted her to have done with me in the past. It's one of the hardest things i've had to do.However, the problem is that I am now bitter with myself about it, because if I had known that was the reason behind her feeling that way I would have known exactly what to say. In other words, me and her would still be going out. I do care for her beyond what anyone really knows, but I don't want to jeopardise her relationship with this guy. In other words, I don't want to be a deciding factor in any potential break up. I don't know what to do! I feel so useless yet I know that helping their relationship was the better thing to do. I'm just....I cannot describe my feelings. I just feel helpless. Does anyone know what I should do because I really have no idea.On an extra note, she realised what she had said as understandably I became quiet on the phone.
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 April 2007):
 You're best friends with her, that's great! Most ex's never speak with one another again. She seems to respect your opinions which is another good thing. Next time you both get into a deep or meaningful conversation say to her how it could have been so different between you both, if only she had explained the reason why she was frightened off then you would have handled things very differently.
Be assertive though, let her know that you certainly don't want to come between her and her boyfriend and you will help her continue to patch things up with him in any way you can. If you let her see that you are selfLESS then she might just see you in another light and in time, want to give it another go with you. In the meantime, remain her friend, stay in the background and DON'T be too hard or bitter on yourself about how things worked out. Things happen for a reason... remain positive and strong, you just never know what is just around the corner.
Eve
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