A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm having trouble accepting that my ex doesn't love me. We were together 3 years and one day 4 weeks ago he sprung it on me that he didn't love me and ended our relationship. We were very close throughout our relationship and he was always so affectionate and caring towards me even right up until he ended it. I never had any reason to doubt that he love me. He now says we have nothing in common and want completely different things from life. I know this is not true as we have so much in common, that is why we got together in the first place and we have always talked about and planned our lives together. Not at any point has he suggested he wanted any different. We also share all the same friends.I now feel so confused, non of it makes any sense to me and I feel so lost and let down by someone I thought was the one secure thing in my life. I am trying to have no contact with him for at least a month as I feel he needs to realise what we had and miss it. I know I sound like I just can't accept it and I should be moving on but I truly believe there is still so much between us and it makes me so sad to have to plan a life without him.ANY advice would be greatly appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): Hi there, Im really sorry to hear about whats happened. EXACTLY the same has happened to me and my fiance and I had been together for almost 3 years to the day when we split up at end of February '07.
I can honestly say that I know exactly how you feel and it is gut wrenching although you seem to be handling it and being rational about letting him have his 'space' for the month. This is the best thing for both of you. Do not contact him at any cost. Every contact you have will reignite your feelings for him and will tear you apart.
In my situation, my ex told me that there was noone else, and that she just wanted to be on her own as she was not happy. I did some detective work and found out what I suspected - she had been cheating in me and is now with someone else! It hurts and you will be in immense pain right now. I really feel for you as it is the worst I have ever felt, easily!
My best advice for you is to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! Dont let yourself get depressed, lose sleep, lose appetite. If you have trouble sleeping, go see the doctor and tell him whats happened. Speak to your friends and family! Even if they cant advise you, it is SO good to speak about it to them even if they JUST LISTEN and you speak.
ALSO keep yourself busy, try new things to keep your life moving. I started going to a Kung FU class and now I absolutely love it. Really force yourself to do things you KNOW will be good for you. eat well, EXERCISE is fantastic. Join a gym and go as often as you can. Exercise releases endorphins in your body and make you naturally happy AND you will be more toned and feel better about the way you look.
FLIP this bad situation and turn it into a positive one for yourself. The worst thing you can do is do nothing and sit at home feeling sorry for yourself. You will get tired of telling the same story to people over again. You will! BUT, you will feel so much better in the long run and for me, its now 6 weeks later and I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes I hurt every day. We still live in the same house as we are trying to sell it and it hurts to see her in the house giggling on her phone to her new man but I try to rise above it!
You are going to be som much more of a stronger person after this and that is a VERY good thing. You will also notice other things you didnt notice before and I would not be surprised if you also discover, like I did, that you were not trully happy in the relationship deep down.
I could go on and go on, but there are a lot of good advisers on this site for when you need us, ok? You can even read my questions I asked and see the reponses I got from them . I would pretty much say ALL of the answers I got helped me immensely and I have a lot to thank this site for.
Take care and keep your chin up. You WILL get through this and when you do, life is beautiful on the other side!
Jamie
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): You are what, 26? And you have been together three years. That is quite a long time, and people do change over the course of time.
Your ex bf may still be thinking over his career choices - if he has graduated from college and university, this would be natural - and trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life.
You may well have had things in common before now, but at this point he evidently doesn't think so. Again, perhaps because of changes he is contemplating in considering what he wants to do in life.
You are very sensible to just leave it alone with no contact for at least a month. MAYBE this will give him time and space to miss you and decide his future is with you after all.
However, I have to tell you not to count on it! Seriously, you really do need to accept his decision and be prepared to think about your own life and what you want, even if its not going to be with him.
Yes, its sad, and it does hurt. But, if you really do love him, the very best way to express it is to continue to allow him to be free to make his own choices. You can not force him (not that I hear you attempting to) to resume your relationship.
Again, I do hope you will focus on your own life at this point and your future! What are the things in terms of job, family and friends, maybe concerns regarding social justice, etc. that are the most important to you? Where do you want to be, and what would you like to have accomplished, say, a year from now, or three, five years from now? Please do take some time to relax and enjoy your life and be good to yourself!
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