| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have a typical male problem in that i want to commit to my girl but only if a list of criterias are met... like "she doesn't control me, she is not too clingy, possessive, is tolerant of my mistakes when i am careless about her, gives me my own space, accepts my family the way they are, doesn't just me, readily fits in to the image of being a typical household wife etc. etc.. It is as if, i am looking to buy an item that could be kept in the showcase of my conceptual family, and not really a human being. If all these things don't happen, i feel too much burden from people in my family that i can't accept her and reject her outright as being unfit. Please advice, i am quite stressed about this and fear that the relationship might fail otherwise.. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): Oh that poor girl; I know what it feels like to be on the other end of the stick with a guy who could possibly be you.
I am very sad, because this girl is full of treasures you will never know because everyone needs love, and you are cheating her.
Please consider your judgements and realize the longest journey in the world is from the head to the heart, and if you're not willing to take that journey, she's better off without you, because that's the journey most woman take backwards, and to the man's benefit if she's loved him with all her heart,
God Bless you
A
female
reader, ladybug  +, writes (18 June 2007):
 nobody is perfect honey, if you keep on searching you will end up with nothing, learn to accept people the way they are and dont ever try to change your partner to fit on your qualifications because that destroys the essence of love.. start by accepting the negative things about her.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (17 June 2007):
 Any relationship you have will fail if your "list" has too many expectations. I suggest you make another list of what YOU (as the near perfect man) are willing to offer this perfect woman you so desire then see if you can live up to that list.
Or in reality, just take things as they come and use your judgement after going out with someone for a few weeks. Remember, a relationship works BOTH ways. No one is perfect, not even you I'm afraid.
Eve
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A
male
reader, Banoffee +, writes (15 June 2007):
 Never mind all the pub psychology. All you have to do is ask yourself "Do I want her?" If you do, great, if not, move on. What's the point of making it any more complicated than that? You can't force yourself to want something you don't!
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (15 June 2007):
 Your problem is typical only for those who lack life experience and have not cut the umbilical cord.
If you want to find a companion I suggest you live on your own for a few years. And when I say "on your own" I mean without anyone to clean up your room and cook your meals and do your laundry. Women like it when a man can prove he is not a momma's boy, and capably managing your own home is a big check mark in your favour.
If you want to continue to live life as you do now, stick with your mother. No other woman would tolerate you at this stage of your development. Good luck and take care.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (15 June 2007):
 In my experience, guys that seek a perfect mate like you are doing are actually looking for a mother figure, not a lover. What's worse is that when exploring deeper issues, I do not beleive you are seeking the perfect mate at all. This is a tactic called Creative Avoidence. The surface reason looks like to find the perfect mate. The underlying reason is actually to avoid intimacy by sabotaging any potential relationship.
My advice is that you need to come to terms with reality. That is part of growing up as a man.
-FBK
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A
female
reader, Variety +, writes (15 June 2007):
 What do you want us to say? You seem to know that this is not right. And you forgot to mention one thing: LOVE! You want a Stepford wife (and even they turned out to be robots!).
Hopefully this 'problem' will go away when you meet someone amazing. Otherwise go hire an escort to play the part of a perfect woman.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): Nobody is perfect. If you insist on measuring up every girl you meet against a checklist of a perfect mate then you're probably never going to find someone. There are sacrifices to be made in any relationship - I doubt you are perfect either!As for your family situation, why are you trying to meet someone? Is it for you or is it for your family? The answer should be the former. So long as you are happy that's all that matters. Your family should support you just so long as you're happy - not because your girlfriend doesn't measure up to their criteria.
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