A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm almost 27 years old, and I feel ashamed as hell to admit that I have never even had a girlfriend, let alone sex. Do you know how it feels to be in a minority? I stutter, and have always feared stuttering when asking a girl out. Currently, I have A job, but not a lifetime job and still live at home. I'm feeling very isolated and thinking maybe I should do the world a favor and off myself in a few years. Am I doomed, or is there hope? Thanks. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, PhilManco +, writes (20 November 2007):
 You're not doomed, friend. You're not that unique in your circumstances, either. Believe it or not, I have two close friends (one man, one woman) who are older than you and are still virgins. Like you, neither of these individuals has ever even dated anyone. Despite what popular culture might suggest, it's more common than you would expect.
As for myself, I didn't lose my virginity until I was in my early 20's and I didn't really have a mature, sexual relationship until I was about 25. It sucks, doesn't it? At times, it seems like the entire world is having sex while you're at home, watching television (or, at least it did for me). I can definitely remember having the fear that I would never find "love" and even occasionally thinking about suicide. So, I feel your pain on a very personal level. BUT, the very worst thing you can do is feel sorry for yourself and dwell on the issue. If you want to be loved, you need to learn to love yourself!
I know it seems hard now, but it really does get easier. I promise! Don't give up!! Try attending singles nights, take a class or join a gym where you will be surrounded by other people your age. Cultivate your interests. I couldn't get girls to even give me a second glance in high school. In college, I took up cycling and spent some time traveling around the world. All of the sudden, I had more girlfriends than I wanted (seriously). Develop yourself and your social skills and you'll definitely have a much easier time!
There is always hope. If you're worried about stuttering, perhaps you could consider online dating? I know plenty of normal people that have dated someone they met online, through a service or through MySpace/Facebook/etc. You can break the ice through email, so that by the time you're ready to meet, you'll be more comfortable.
Good luck. You can do it!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): If a girl really likes you then your stutter shouldn’t be a problem. I used to really like a guy with a stutter and I thought it was very cute.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): Are you in a minority? It seems to me that there are two extreemes in this world - the kids that want to grow up to quickly,(usually ending up with having babies) or people that are virgins later into their adult life, whether that is by choice or not. There are very few of the in between.
What I am trying to say is that you are far from abnormal, I speak to people every day that are 20,30 and 40+ year old virgins, and like you they are all worried that its not right - the oldest ones have usually built sex into such a big thing that they simply avoid it altogether.
Your problem is the fear of stuttering, this stops you from even approaching a girl that you are interested in, just incase it goes wrong. To be honest if it really causes you a problem there are many fantastic speach therapists out there that I am sure could help. I think you need to just go for it, you will never know what will happen until you try it, dont worry about rejection or what happens next - it happens to us all. Just concentrate on building your confidence and being happy.
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