A
female
age
41-50,
*1983
writes:I'm 30 and in a relationship of around 4 months. We both have busy work schedules so have been seeing each other at weekends and in the week if we can. As we were getting to know each other, this was fine, but now I am starting to feel a bit lonely and wondering whether this will actually lead to something more serious. He has been single for a couple of years so perhaps has got a bit used to life on his own. A lot of my friends have got married or had kids recently and almost always their relationships have been intense pretty quickly with the guys seeing to go straight in with this intention. This is a bit of a pattern for me in recent years. I have had a couple of serious relationships at with each I have had a problem of moving it beyond just seeing each other at weekends. Normally I get to around 6 months, I start to feel uncomfortable, there is then discussions and/or fights about this issue, I discover they have either been cheating on me or just want a weekend girlfriend and not willing to compromise. I am then heartbroken. I really like this guy but feel I can't really get to know him whilst we are seeing each other this little. I would like to get closer so that we could see if we would be good moving in with each other etc eventually. I feel the weekend only thing means we are seeing each other on 'best behaviour'. I am a very independent person on the whole having lived on my own for years, paid my bills etc. I love my life. I am happy for us not to spend every day together when we did live together, for me this is more about making sure we are compatible in that way. He has a history of heavy drinking and has made a huge effort to reign this in in the past year. I am wondering if he is struggling with this?? He has made comments that in the future he may well decide to go back to drinking more heavily with his old drinking buddies. It worries me he won't just get tied up in this again and getting himself into problems. I was quite surprised the fact he was now in a relationship with someone who doesn't drink much didn't seem to be something he was going to take into account here... What should I do ? On one hand I don't want to get too serious too soon but feel like I am reigning myself in at the moment.Any advice much appreciated.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (4 September 2013):
 Being a heavy drinker and being too busy to date during the week are both red flags for me. If I were you, I'd cut my losses and let him go back to his drinking buddies ... he's hinted that's what he's going to do anyway. X
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): Doesn't sound like he is a keeper. What?, seriously , he is warning you of becoming an alcoholic or a heavy drinker? Why is he even saying it? What impression does he think it will make on you, or will you stay with him after that. Guys do this weekend thing when they don't want to get much involved, trust me on that. Everytime a guy pulls on me this so called schedule, I know it's time to run. I even had one guy who only wanted to see me once every 2 weeks. He explained it that he has other activities that he doesn't think I'll be interested in. Then I found out he had another girlfriend like me who he saw every week, but she had kids every other weekend , that's when I came into game, because he needed to fill a space, sadly. A guy who wants to be with you exclusively is not going to pull a schedule routine on you. When I met my husband he was incredibly busy with full time job, GYM, and he was training little kids fencing 3 nites a week. He also had his friends that he went fishing at least one weekend a month, and his biker friend's that he would meet once a week for a beer. He did these things for years, and really enjoyed it. But he wanted to be with me, so he stopped seeing his friends for beer every week, but instead every other week. We would meet after his work, and after his fencing classes, and on a weekends. During a week we didn't do anything special, may be just went for a drink here and there, or just to his house, and I stayed over. Then I started to stay over more and more, and after a year we moved in together, and soon were married. I could see how his behaviour was very different from other men I met. I could see clearly he wanted to be with me, and not to play around hoping that one day he will meet the one. Be aware of guys with certain schedules. This schedule is ussualy is just for you. Because heis not that much into you. When a woman that he really likes will come Ito his life, he will forget his schedule.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): I was in a relationship for 3 years, didn't know if we were ever going to live together or get married, I wish I would of discussed things a lot sooner. I ended it, because it was never going to be more than long term dating. Now if I meet someone, I want to know upfront what are they looking for. Doesn't mean I'd be the right person for them, but it means if they don't ever want to marry or live with someone, I'm not going to waste my time.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (4 September 2013):
 Let's focus on this phrase in our submittal:
"He has made comments that in the future he may well decide to go back to drinking more heavily with his old drinking buddies. ...."
According to "The Guys' book of Justifying Anything that you must, in Order to get a Girl to Put Out for you"....
(quote):
"If she seems to have figured out a major shortcoming about you, and you have made a modest (any) effort to correct for the offending behaviour.... then give her a "life-line" of claiming that you have gotten oh-so-close to conquering the offending behaviour, BUT, WITH a proviso that you "might" revert to that behaviour in the future, if conditions are JUST RIGHT, so that you can't POSSIBLY resist reverting. IF she is dumb enough to buy that, then you have gotten to the point where you will have NO RESPONSIBILITY for your (future) behaviour, because - after all - she "knew" what you were like, and what you were likely to do."
Are you willing to chance it?
Good luck....
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