A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I wonder if you might give me some advice as Ive acted really foolishly over a guy and feel so bad about it.In December I had a one night fling with a married friend of mine who Ive known for a long time. We both knew it was wrong and afterwards he broke all contact with me and stopped replying to my texts and emails.I have never met his wife, and there was never any hint of attraction between us until last summer when we stared emailing and texting a lot more than usual and it all built up to this one night.The thing is that I continued to text and email him for several weeks afterwards even though he was ignoring me. I missed him so much and thought that he may respond if I just kept trying. The texts were just chatty ones, or ones that said I missed him and wishes he would get in touch and let me know how he is.It's been 2 months now and I finally am starting to get over him, and have stopped trying to contact him, but this weekend I went out for a family dinner and had some wine and got a bit drunk for the first time since Christmas, and I sent him some texts that weren't very nice. I said that he wasn't the man I thought he was and that he must hate me for pestering him, but that I would prefer hate to indifference, as at least that was an emotion.In the morning I regretted it and sent a text apologising, and of course Ive heard nothing back.I do realise he is married and that he obviously decided to cut all ties with me because of that, but Ive made such a fool of myself with this obe-sided contacting him and feel miserable about having ruined any chance of salvaging some kind of return to our previous friendship again in the future.I want to tell him that Im sorry and that my grief at him cutting me off sent me crazy with longing and sadness but I daren't email or text him anymore.Can anyone offer any advice? xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): Thank you so much for your kind replies, I can't tell you how much this site has helped me. You're all wonderful and I feel so much stronger for your advice xxx
A
female
reader, Psyche +, writes (20 February 2007):
I don't mean to be an ass... but... Have you put yourself in his shoes or his wifes shoes for one minute? You are too old for this crap. (i'm 31) What it sounds like is that you have been acting like a stalker. I know the affair triggered something in you and obviously has caused your need to contact him regardless of how it affects him or his marraige. But you need to get yourself in balance and focus.Do you really think that this man will leave his wife for you? Isn't it entirely possible that he was having a low time in his marriage and you aided him for one night? He regretted cheating the next morning but you keep harrassing him. I have been the other woman too. But part of the process is letting it go. You were likely just what he needed to realize how much he loves his wife. Leave him alone!As always, I recommend counseling. Find out why you want this guy so much. Do you tend to want unavailable men? Is it a pattern? It is important to work with someone you trust to help you heal anything in your life blocking you from a healthy, loyal relationship. Good luck and leave him alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): My advice to you is that you forgive YOURSELF and move on.
The fact of the matter is that you were very, very wrong to get involved with him with all those texts and emails in the first place, let alone sleeping with him. THAT is what you should be sorry for.
Just leave it alone now. That's all. Leave it be and do not contact him again.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (19 February 2007):
 The man used you to sleep with but he doesn't want his wife to know about it and doesn't want anything more to do with you. He doesn't want to get involved with you at all, hence the reason he's not replying. DON'T text him back again, you've made a big enough fool of yourself so don't make it worse.
Accept that you were silly and made a mistake and have some self respect from now on. All he's looking for is a quiet life now with no hassles and nothing you say, even if it's just to apologise will make him feel any different about you. He's a sleazebag love. He's not worth it! Forget it and don't waste any more time on him.
Eve
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 February 2007):
 I have some advice, leave him alone and move on with your life. You lost a friend, go make another, and try to find one who is not married, for crying out loud.
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A
female
reader, Odette +, writes (19 February 2007):
 Best advice I can give you is take his number out of your phone and promise yourself that i future you will never accept a man who belongs to anyone else. Your a beautiful woman who deserves a man who loves you and only you.
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