A
female
age
41-50,
*tuckinarut2013
writes:I have a very bitchy mother in law who refuses to let go of her son's umbilical cord !!!!She came to live with us last to last summer and made my life a living hell. To this day those memories keep haunting me! I have talked to my husband abt it, he understands n had tried being supportive, but the woman is relentless! If she doesn't have it her way, she starts to cry like a child n then I see my husband melt at that n it drives me nuts!!! Disgusting !!!! I don't have any interest in making her my BFF jus want to have a working relation for the sake of my hubby since he is so close to her but sometimesi feel like I'm jus losing it. It has increased fights manifold between the two if us. It's almost like she is trying to compete with me in many ways. I absolutely loathe her to the core, sometimes even wish her dead n this is clearly not doing me and my peace of mind any favors ! How do I learn to deal with such negative feelings, it's dampening the very person that I am n my hubby jus keeps getting irritated with it! Help!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 He needs to man up and tell her when she's crossing the line. Simple.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 January 2013):
 She is insecure and she is competing with you because she can't let go of her little boy. And he is conflicted as he cares about you and her.
And it's almost impossible to change her as your husband probably does not recognise how horrible his Mom is to you because sometimes it would just be you and her.
Be firm with her and don't take any nonsence.
But trying to enlist support from your husband is words falling on deaf ears.
So you stand up to her any time she's being men. If she's having 'digs' all the time ask her if she's 'taken up gardening?' when she can't understand tell her 'we all you seem to do is have digs'
If she pours scorn on anything don't let it upset you but instead make a remark back that makes a bit of fun out of her comment
The aim is to signal that you're not a door mat and you will not be intimidated.
My first mother in law (who was wonderful) said she learned all about how NOT to be as a MIL from her own MIL who was diabolical.
And she got no support (re her MIL) from her husband.
So in the end she just stood up to her MIL.
If her MIL claimed to be dying she picked up the phone for the Doctor (this was when Drs did house calls)
If her MIL criticized her cooking she invited her MIL to use the kitchen and cook her preferred meal
She took all criticism from her MIL with a pinch of salt as she knew her MIL was just trying to goad her.
And when they shifted she made sure the new home did not have a spare bed.
You might think she was tough on her MIL but if you knew all the terrible things her MIL did to her you would applaud her.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 January 2013):
 I note this sentence in your submittal: "It's almost like she is trying to compete with me in many ways."
In fact.... she IS competing with you.... and WINNING!!!! It's incumbent on your hubby to develop a spine and tell Mommy that he is no longer HER "little boy".... that he has grown up and, now, has a WIFE who is a/the primary focus of his life.....
IF/WHEN he does that, then you can expect your "relationship" with his Mommy to become tolerable...
IF he fails to do that (cleave from his Mommy) then you are in for a protracted battle with her ... one that you can't possible "win".....
Think about it....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): It sounds to me like your stuck in a nightmare. It's hard to see now but this can be fixed through hard work and hard TALK which is being lacked. As a wife, talk more and more complain to get your hubby's attention cause to me it seems he is not listening enough. To me the reason I think that is because maybe he is trying to make his mom happy. Now with the mom, talk to her let it out and tell her you would like y'all's relationship a little bearable. Hang in there! :)
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