A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and we love each other to pieces. However, lately I've been fantasizing about his brother and wondering what it would be like to go out with him. Now I've heard this can be quite common as brothers can be very similar, but in this case it is VERY strange as his brother is repulsing and nothing like my boyfriend. He is immature, bald, unattractive and vulgar, not to mention he's 10 years older than me and my parents hate him. Yet, I seem to like him. We get along and have a laugh and I find him a lot more laid back and relaxed than my boyfriend and I can't help but think he'd be a better boyfriend. Also he has his own house, car and better job than my boyfriend, but it isn't about that. Why am I thinking like this?! Whats going on, do you think these feelings will go?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): I think you are getting bored of your current boyfriend. If you are starting to find repulsive men an attractive prospect there must be something quite badly wrong.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (14 May 2012):
It’s easy to get in to a pattern of wondering whether the grass might indeed be greener on the other side. It probably won’t be though, especially with some-one you describe as “repulsing.” Relationships do have a tendency to feel routine after a time. That’s not to say that people stop loving each other, but it’s easy to get in to a pattern of taking each other for granted, and it’s easy to become discontented and frustrated about little things. You probably get on so well with his brother because you don’t spend as much time with him as you do your boyfriend. It’s easy to see the faults and flaws with the people we are closest to and spend most of our time with.A fantasy is a fantasy. There’s no magic fix to stop you thinking thoughts, but you need to keep it very clear in your head that there’s a big line between having thoughts and acting upon them, which you mustn’t cross. The best thing to do is to make a real effort to focus on your own relationship. Do you make the most of time with your boyfriend? Try to do something romantic together on a regular basis. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just something that’s meaningful, where you can remind each other of why you fell in love in the first place. So many people just drift along, they hang out but don’t really do anything special together because they assume that, as they’re not in the first stages of dating and impressing anymore, they don’t need to. But settling in to that pattern of drifting is bad for encouraging you to let little irritations and frustrations grow. So work at keeping the passion and the excitement alive in your own relationship, this will help you focus on what’s so great about your boyfriend, not what might be so good about an idealised version of his brother.I wish you all the very best.
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