| A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I have a terrible moral dilemma. I will try to explain my situation, but I know, it's not easy. I live in a totally collapsed marriage, my children are all gown ups. Not independent, and causing lot's of headaches. I feel totally drained and exhausted form trying to save my family, and my marriage. I tried self improvement, communication and counseling but nothing made anything better. It's totally dysfunctional and pointless. Now I'm in my 40's, and I feel we have nothing left. My husband won't do a thing to change. There is no intimacy, no affection, no fun...I really hate him now. I can't focus on anything else, just on this feeling. I feel I need to leave, without a notice. I want to just vanish. I don't want any contact with my family all together. I feel if I stay in contact, we are just going to drive each other crazy. And I can't free myself. Is it really terrible of me, to think such a thing? Is it very hard to understand it,or justify it?I really don't know what to do, I can't imagine a ""normal"" divorce..I'm not capable for negotiating etc.But sometimes I feel it's better than suicide.Can you suggest anything?
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dreaming  +, writes (22 November 2008):
Sometimes you just need some time and space and time away can help people appreciate what you do when you are there. If they are all adults, you do not need to get someone to stay there, just pack up and go. If it will cause trouble if you let them know ahead, just leave a note when you go, if you think it is safe, you can let them know ahead you are going, you need time to think and away you go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): How is your financial situation? Can you survive without your husbands support? If this is the case, then leave immediately. It doesn't matter if it's your family, the situation you are in is very toxic for you, you sound very unhappy. 40's are not end of life, it could be very hapy age, full of exitement and new things in your life. You need change, the sooner the better. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): Maybe your family need shock tactics to realise how serious you are about the ways in which you are feeling. Organise with a friend or relative to stay at there house for a week or go on a tw week holiday if that is possible. Just try and find somewhere cheap and simple but you definately need time out from the situation.
Once you have organised where you are going to stay discuss the issues with your husband and try talking to your children. Then you have the option of just going rather than threatening them that you are going. Actions speak louder than words. Remember running away is not a good option but time out is essential when you feel like this. As they are alot older now Im sure they can mamage on their own for a short period. They may need to see how serious you are to make a change. The way you are speaking sounds normal for somebody so stressed out but you might think differently about the people around you once you are away from them for a short while.
...............................
A
female
reader, superbunny  +, writes (22 November 2008):
 First of all, suicide is never the best option over anything. As much as you dislike them right now, it will break your relatives hearts and no human being wants to do that.It seems like you just need space from everything. Do you feel claustraphobic? Getting away for a bit would probably do you the world of good as you'd come back with a fresh head and stuff.I know this isn't as practical as it sounds. If you are really not happy with your husband, then a divore might not be out of the question. If it's been going down hill as you say it has, it won't be as hard as you think it will be. It won't be easy, but if you're both admitting that it's run it's course that'll make the whole thing easier and you can be more civil about it.I hope this has helped a little bit. :)xx
...............................
|
