A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A good six months ago I met a woman at my evening class - although obviously I couldn't help noticing she was attractive, when we first started chatting I wasn't all that interested in romance (I've been happily single for a while now).Over time though, I've been chatting to her more, and found out we had loads in common and started to think that maybe I'd be interested in her in "that" way after all, and she seemed to be flirting with me quite a bit too, though I kinda wanted to wait for the right moment to act on it.So anyway, the other night I was browsing a social network site, and looked her up - I added her as a friend and she accepted. I was really surprised to see she listed her status as "In a relationship". I'm not sure how to react to this - although I'd hardly say our conversations are particularly deep (mainly small talk, movies, music, that kinda thing), you would think that if she had a boyfriend (or maybe girlfriend - who knows now). she might have mentioned it at some point.So now I'm stuck? Has she been leading me on and I need to get out of it? Have I just messed up the signal-reading again? What I really want to know I guess is it OK for me to ask her about it? I can't help hoping it's not a very serious relationship and maybe she'll be free to date soon, or perhaps she just hasn't updated her status. I don't want to give it up as a bad job without finding out more about whether I'm in with a chance - so how do I find out without making it obvious that I'm interested?
View related questions:
flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (23 November 2008):
 What I do is ask "so do you have big plans for the weekend?" or "did you do anything fun this past weekend?" This way you open the door for someone to mention a significant other. If they say something like, no no big plans, just going to sit around and watch the game with the guys. Now, if they say, "went to the play with Ralph" or "we" anything, then you figure she's taken.
Then you could just come right out and be honest about it "hey, would you like to go out sometime for dinner and a movie." What have you lost if she says "I'm with someone?" Then you simply say "lucky him" and continue to be friendly.
There are lots of people out there who are with someone but aren't really "with them" for the long haul. So you may still have a chance.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): Well - maybe it's a bit sneaky, but the first thing I do if I'm interested in a guy I'm linked to on facebook or suchlike, and not sure if he's single, is have a good poke around his site. Have a look through her photo's - if she's ina relationship of more than a couple of months, there's almost definetly a picture of her and her b/f on there. Look at the messages her other friends have posted to - if last week there's something like "you and John should come over sometime." there's a good chance that John is the long term b/f!If you can't get anything this way, you're going to have to ask some questions. I'd do it in a vague sort of way, so you save face if you have made a mistake. So if she's talking about a recent holiday or outing you could ask "oh, did you go on your own?", or you could get on to whereabouts you both live: "Do you live by yourself, or have you got family?", or any leading question you can think of that might lead to her mentioning a relationship.Unfortunately, this doesn't cover the possibility that she might deliberately be concealing the fact that she's got a b/f from you (in which case it was pretty dumb to add you as a friend on a site where she admits to it). But if you ask a couple of awkward questions where she would need to lie or be deliberately evasive to cover it up, then you'll probably pick up on that.Either way, if you like her, it probably is worth looking into a bit more, as long as you're willing to leave it be if you find out she's not available after all.
...............................
A
female
reader, Victoria Aubrey +, writes (22 November 2008):
 How did it feel when you found out she was, "In a relationship"? How much longer will you be in class with her? It seems that you really like this girl and want to be carefull as to not scare her off. So the first part you did very well. You got to know her. She didn't mention she had a boyfriend because she didn't want to scare you. She likes you. "Friends" always bring up their significant other and past experiences when they are getting to know one another. You know, so what does your husband/wife do? Social norm. Ask her like this, "So what did you and your boyfriend do this weekend?" I always ask that way when I want to find out if they are seeing someone. So they can blab about it like it's no big deal; get uncomfortable; or laugh and say they don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Act like you really don't know what's going on? Be cool then act like you are dating someone too. Just go with the flow and if you two really like eachother you will get there. Plus no ring means, single, free game... at this age anyway.
...............................
|
