A
female
age
,
*nna54
writes:i have had a lover for 28 years. he has 3 sons with his wife and 1 son with me. i stayed away from him for about 6 years and now he has come back into my life. i am 55 and no one ever wanted to date me. except him. Anyway his wife just found out that he is seeing me again. And he has cut off all communications with me. Not even telling me goodbye. Why do men do things like this? i wonder if he loves any of us. if i would not sleep with him he would ignore his son. My son told him off and now he does not have anything to do with him. he won't even try to establish a relationship with him. He says he doesn't care.
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): This should be used as an example for all those twenty somethings having affairs with their married boss. THIS is how it ends.
I think most of what needs to be said has been said already. Just cut all contact with this guy and move on. Its not really too late, you just have to get out there and start dating. Get on some dating sites, join some over 50s groups; there are plenty of widowers and divorced men in their 50s and not all of them want 20 year olds.
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 It is difficult to stay neutral in cases like these, my natural instinct is to blame the lover and the cheating spouse for destroying the general equilibrium.
When you first started your affair, you were in your pomp, a woman at her most attractive, with everything to look forward to. Today, I'm sorry to say that all you can do is look back at the many wasted opportunities you spurned, while you were waiting for this man's next call. You say no-one wanted to date you. That's so wrong. I am sure that plenty of people wanted to date you, but it's hard for a man to impress a woman whose eyes are fixed elsewhere. Think carefully. All those guys over all those years who struck up a conversation with you for no reason, or asked for your company in some roundabout way. It probably happened 20 times a day, but you were not aware of anything except how you needed to prise your lover away from his family for the next sordid tryst.
You surely could have found lasting happiness with a man who loves you for you, not one who loved the thrill of extra-marital sex. Because unfortunately, thats all you were for him. A 28 year long booty call. He lied to his wife. He lied to you constantly. I'm sure you believed he loved you. You gave him your best years. But after all those years, he is not leaving his wife for you, despite all your best efforts to be better than her.
What did you expect to happen? What would you like to happen now? I'm apologising that I have to say that you look a little foolish, but from this angle, you do. Time to start putting yourself and your son FIRST I think, instead of waiting around for him to get in touch. He used you, you allowed him to for whatever reasons, and despite having a son with him, he does give two toots about you as a person, or his son outside of the marriage.
I'm really sorry.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): You were his sexual play toy, your son a result of that. His stability was threatened, and he chose to quit playing with his toy rather than get divorced... it's simple. Men who cheat on their wives can't be trusted. Did you not connect those two things in the last 28 years?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): Dear old lady
I guess you are most experienced among most of the aunts here in life. So i may be wrong, but any way..
Obviously you decided to have affair with a married man for so many years. So you can not blame things on only him. It was your and his both decision to have affair and continue it and have sex and then kid. You knew that he is doing it without knowledge of his wife.
So you can not put full blame on him. He has not hide the fact that he is married and have kids there.
Ask yourself?
You may not find yourself in the best of your values and conscience when you started the affair, fructify the affair, start having sex, and then get a child out of it. I am sure at every stage your conscience may have questioned your desires and and you let the desires have more control of your actions as compared to conscience and so now you are here.
Now, there are not many options, except waiting for him to come back to you in some form. Because otherwise, his family will be in great trouble.
At the end, so many people's life has messed up for ever till death bed, as i see it.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 September 2010):
Men do this because they can get away with it. For 28 years, this man just used you, and you let it happen because you thought no one else would date you. I'm afraid to say that he never loved you or the child he has with you. He used to child to get to you for sex, then walked away. And surprise, now his wife has found out, he's ended it all.
I'm afraid there is a certain amount of personal blame you have to accept here, as does he. You're both in the wrong for this awful mess, and now this man has cut his own son off.
You and your son now both need to make a break away from this man. He has used you, and he's got away with it. There's nothing that can change that. So you and your son need to move on. And please, please don't get involved with another married man.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 I think your son would be better off without contact with his father as it is a very unstable relationship, and like you said, the father only have contact with your son if you remain his lover. That must feel terrible for your son. I think if your son told him off and said he doesn't want anything to do with him, it is best that way. Yes, it is sad that no one else would date you, but perhaps it is time to take joy in the things you have, like yourself, your health, and your son. And not to feel rejected and unwanted because of one mans actions. This man was never yours to begin with. But he gave you a son, and maybe you and your son truly are better off without him in your lives.
Try seeing your life from a new perspective, and the good things you have in life. And then decide if you want to continue to wait for your lover, or move on away from him. As a mature woman you do not "need" a man in your life. You think for yourself, and you are in charge of yourself, you take care of yourself. You can do without him in your life. Being without a man doesn't make you a failure.
...............................
|
