A
female
age
30-35,
*xxvickixxo
writes:My boyfriend and i always argue and the other night we had a blazing row, i said i didnt want to argue again and we've agreed to take some steps to try and prevent arguments.. anyway its made me think he doesnt love me like he used to (or he loves me like he'd love his siter or something)Anyway i have a real problem with trying to talk to him about things, i dont know why i just cant seem to talk to him(or anyone) and i think this may be one of our problems cause hel try and talk things through and i'll just cry. I was going to send him a text the other night saying "i love you millionz baby, a meanmt it when i said we're not goin 2 argue again! i know i'v pissed you off n done stupid things that i shouldn't have but i'm sorry n i didn't want to argue with you, you mena the world to me and you always have and i always will. i'm still in love with you like when we startd goin out its weird like, it's weird i still get tingles when you kiss or touch me and i know your goin 2 laugh at me for saying this.Luv u millions sweetheart xxx"but i couldn't send it incase he criticises me, i'm starting to get worried now i can talk to complete strangers about my problems but not the people who are meant to love me.. does anyone have any advice?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, suzanne81  +, writes (26 January 2009):
 Well this sounds EXACTLY like my situation. I also have a boyfriend whom I love very much and we have been off and on for 3years now. He too doesn't listen to me when I talk to him about any problems that may arise about life or our relationship. He always runs away from our problems and NEVER brings up the topic. He mimics me when I am upset and crying and never is there to comfort me..so I totally feel you..and I also feel that even though it is so hard to break up..the relationship isn't healthy and you will be happier without him..I am in the process of a breakup but I work with him and he is my manager so it is a rough situation. Trying to find another job isn;t as easy as it sounds but it is the only way I can get myself away from him..but one thing at a time I guess. Good luck..
A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (13 July 2008):
 Well, at least you know the truth now. You're not imagining it, he's told you straight out. So it depends on what YOU want. Do you want to be his sister, or do you want someone who really loves you and can fulfill your needs in every respect, or do you want someone who will use you and abuse you till they completely tired of you, then dump you for someone they REALLY want to be with. Of course, he doesn't want to part with you, that will leave him without a woman tending to his needs and giving him everything he wants. Most men want that. its called having your cake and eating it. Its time to take back your power. Your vibes were right. Trust them now and do what feels right to you. Find someone who deserves you. You deserve better than this.
...............................
A
female
reader, oxxvickixxo +, writes (9 July 2008):
oxxvickixxo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey.. I was just looking at some of my old questions, AND I have discovered I was completely right!! My boyfriend told me the other week that he doesn't feel the same anymore and he loves me like his sister!! I really dunno what to do with this, he has hurt me so badly!! We are currently still together but it is tearing me apart I am constantly thinking of how I have changed or what I have done.. He says he cant be without me but I think we should be but I cant bare to lose him..I always try and think of the times we had that were good and happy and I try to be like I was then but the majority of the time he just rejects me and I feel like a complete idiot, I feel completely humiliated but I guess I am just going to have to go our own ways..
...............................
A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (3 June 2008):
I think you should send the text. It came straight from the heart and men like it when we speak from the heart. Try it, you have nothing to lose, cus if he doesn't want to know then theres your answer. Its better than being in the limbo land you're in.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2008):
 Hi Vicki, I just noticed your question and your update. Could I suggest that you write down what you'd like to say, so then you can read it to him if you get flustered. That might solve one problem.
The other problem is what the blazing rows are about and how they are being fought. There are good guidelines for how to argue constructively, rather than allowing things to disintegrate into name calling and shouting. It's hard to do, I know, but this might help.
Say "I feel.." rather than "You make me feel..."
Use a specific example of something that is bothering you rather than the words "always" and "never".
When one partner has made a point, take the time to rephrase it in your own words and say that back to the other partner, to test that you've understood the point being made.
Let the partner finish speaking, give a little time, before answering.
Do not interrupt each other.
That's a start. Take care now.
...............................
A
female
reader, oxxvickixxo +, writes (3 June 2008):
oxxvickixxo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your answers but i dunno its more like i cant get the words to come out. i dunno if yous will understand me but i can run through them in my head then when i start i have to change it to someting else?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): Y'all really need help on your communication skills.Go to
counseling or something.But don't give up.Try to say what
y'all mean,but in a nice way.For example,if it's accusation
of cheating,say "Honee,don't get mad if I tell you this,but
it feels like you're messing around.I'm not saying that you
are,but you've been acting very strange lately".Something
like that,I don't know.If it doesn't work that way,go to
counseling.One of the most important things in a relationship is communication.
...............................
A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (3 June 2008):
 You both could agree that when you are mad at each other, you both go in seperate rooms for a while. Both of you need to relax and calm down.
It is always a good idea to talk about things that upset you when you are NOT upset at the time. That way, you can express yourself without becoming extremely emotional and defensive. Another thing that might help is when you get upset, instead, write it down in a letter. After you have written down everything you are thinking and feeling, take time to cool off. When you are not so hot headed, then talk to your boyfriend how you were feeling. If you feel you are getting angry talking about it, then you havent given yourself enough time to chill out. Both of you should practice different things because you NEVER want to say things that you dont mean, hurt each other, and cause things to get worse.
I hope this helps you!
...............................
|
