A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don't understand. I am an honest, nice, dependable, loyal person but yet I keep meeting these men who manipulate me and seem to take advantage. They gain my trust then lie or cheat and thankfully I usually catch it early on before it goes to far. I met a guy who seemed to be so different and I thought this was it and he turned out to be the same. He lied more then once and had something going on with someone behind my back. He had me completly involved with his kids and ended up hurting them as well because of all this. Can I ever trust anyone again? Is it something I'm doing? Am I not enough and there is always someone better than me? Sometimes I wonder if its bad karma for things I have done in the past and this is just pay back. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 June 2007):
 I think I have some insight for you, madam. I'm 37 and have been brutally and remorselessly used by ALL the women I have met. Things were so bad that I even considered remaining single for ever. So, don't think that only men do this: it happens to everyone.
You mention that you're honest, nice, dependable and loyal, and I believe you. You must be pretty, too, or you wouldn't attract anyone. I beg you to notice that having all those virtues does not mean someone will love you. Those virtues only mean you're a good woman.
Then, being in a relationship with you must be a very good thing. But, maybe the guys DON'T want that very good thing forever. This is one thing to consider.
My experience has led me to understand that there were many things I was doing wrong, and that kept the bad girls coming. I was so good to anyone who would approach me that girls came to me only for the things I would give them. I would shower them with presents and attention, which was why they were with me. Once they had enough, they left me. Maybe that's happening with you?
If you had to carry a treasure to some distant destination and people knew it, would you not carry a gun to defend yourself? Well, maybe you have not carried this metaphorical gun with you. Love, but keep your eyes open, and grow claws to defend yourself. You're just too valuable to let people use you.
Don't despair. With your virtues, you'll meet a good man who will love you for who you are. It always happens.
Now, there's one more thing I would like to share with you. I did fall in love with someone who, in my opinion, was hurt before. She complained that every time she met a Latin American (I'm one) we always took her offer for friendship as an invitation to sex. Well, I sure wanted to have sex with her; but that was not all I wanted. I thought, and still think, that she was THE ONE. I simply loved everything about her. But, she couldn't believe me. I did not manage to make her understand that I DID LOVE HER. That I had not mistaken her friendship for something else; that I had simply fallen for her. She broke my heart saying that she found me insincere. I complained how I could prove anything if I was guilty until I proved otherwise, and she stopped contact with me.
So, madam, keep your eyes open; some day you may find yourself in this girl's situation. Be sure you don't take an honest man for a nasty one.
Good luck,
A
female
reader, fairhalflin  +, writes (18 June 2007):
 Eeek! Oh man...
Don't worry its not you at all! Most men are like this...
Its natùral to have trùst issùes with people but don't let that bring you down to your next relationship. Don't bring baggage...just start everything new.
Be positive...
As for that guy!
What a royal jerk!
Aren't you glad you got rid of that?
Don't worry.
Keep your chin up & smile.
You'll be okay.
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A
female
reader, mum2be  +, writes (18 June 2007):
love, it is nothing you are doing... i think we just have to accept that a lot of men are selfless pigs... but you must remember that there are a lot of guys out there who are lovely.. keep tyring, you will be able to trust again... it may just take time.
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A
female
reader, Amyjean +, writes (18 June 2007):
Most men are not like this. Dont'rush into relationships just take a little time before you commit yourself.You could always ask someone who knows them. donnt be afrid to drop quickly anyone who causes you concern. Amy
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