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I have a lovely boyfriend but such low self esteem that I don't feel worthy

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Question - (7 July 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 8 July 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *teph_22 writes:

Hi i am 22 years old and i am suffering with really low self esteem. I have no confidence at all and i always feel so ugly compared to my friends. Whenever i see photos of myself i feel so down because i just wish i could feel pretty and look like some of my friends but i just dont feel pretty at all.

I dont understand that when I look in the mirror, i look alright to myself, but in photos i look terrible completely the opposite and feel like i dont look anything like i normally do in the mirror! Seriously, Im afraid to take photos because i look so ugly. Is it like a mind thing? Or do i just take bad pictures? This makes me feel so depressed and i just want to stay indoors and not go out most of the time!

I have such a lovely boyfriend but i just dont ever feel good enough for him and i dont know what to do!! I just wish i could be someone else rather than me most of the time and i know it sounds really pathetic but i dont want to feel like this anymore and i dont know how to feel better about myself.

View related questions: confidence, depressed, self esteem

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011):

I know what you mean, about the mirror! I also feel that. When I look at myself in the mirror, I like what I see, I think I am pretty, even beautiful sometimes. But, when I go out and see the reflection of myself together with other people in the mirror, I feel so ugly. It's like my face has completely changed from the one I saw at home.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (8 July 2011):

rcn agony auntIt's a mind thing. Let me tell you something. Most girls or men are not open to one another about how they feel. They don't say, "hey I feel so unattractive compared to you." It's one of the hidden haunting that we've all faced at one time or another. THE SECRET.... While you're saying you don't feel worthy, and that you're unattractive compared to your friends. I can almost bet your friends are saying the same, and feel unattractive to you. This is because we live with ourselves, so we see ourselves through our imperfections, whereas we view our friends without judging as we do ourselves.

You say you have a lovely boyfriend, and I'm sure he says he has a hot girlfriend. So here's what I want you to do. Start focusing on what you have, instead of worrying about what you don't. When you compare yourself to others, you are missing the true beauty you possess within you. (not saying you're not physically attractive, I focus on the inside out.) Did you know people see and treat others as well as to the extent that they perceived themselves? So your inner being is very important, and is true to your question.

You will never find anything to be true to you, as long as you keep comparing what you perceive to be true outside of your own sense of being. This is to say, "Are you beautiful?" Therefore does not matter if the person next to you is beautiful as well? You are worthy, because you are you and for no other reason than that. Okay. I hope this helps take care.

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