A
female
age
36-40,
*oPrecious
writes:Where do I start? I'm in a relationship with a married man and I'm in love with him however, I also, have a live-in boyfriend but that relationship is broken and has been before I became involved with the married man. I don't know what to do. I tried ending things numerous times but he keeps calling or coming by my house when my boyfriend isn't there. He calls and tells me he loves me between 6-10 times then there's the text messages and calling me at work. This man calls me when he's wife, grandkids or children is around. When he leaves town, he calls me. No matter what he's doing or who he's with even if its his wife, he comes when I call. He's very successful and so is he's friends. He introduced me to these people which I think is bold and crazy. What's even more insane, he picked me a couple of times and took me to both houses, the one he share with his wife and the one he rents out. He's asked me to come see him when she's home but I never go. I believe its lust but I also feel this man really do love me. There are just some things a person wouldn't do and don't do if there wasn't love involved. I'm sure a wife would think differently. I don't ask this man for money but for he's time and he gives it. I don't want to ask him to divorce her, its not my place. What I do want is to be in a normal and stable relationship like what I have when I'm with my boyfriend. I don't want to share the person I love. The problem is I do love him and I'm afraid to let him go. How did I let this happen and what can I do to fix this? I can't just turn off my feelings.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SoPrecious +, writes (23 November 2010):
SoPrecious is verified as being by the original poster of the question I want to say thanks for the feedback. Some was hard to read but I needed to hear it. I needed all the help I could have. I know what I have to do. Its going to be slow and east step but I will get this man out of my life. Again, thanks for helping
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): This man parades u in front of his friends as his whore and u see nothing wrong with this?
He is telling everyone :- see this is my whore for my taking, to do what I want , when I want. U brazenly go into his marital home and you have no qualms being seen as his side item. Where is your respect For Yourself?
You are running around with this married grandfather, no wonder your relationship with your bf has failed.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (20 November 2010):
 Yes, this married man is in love with - himself. Not you, not his unfortunate wife.
There is no - I repeat NO future in this - and even if there was, it would not be a happy one for you.
No wonder your relationship with your boyfriend is in trouble......
True, you can't turn off your feelings. What you CAN do, however, is to tell him once more that you are ending it and that your decision is final. He is not to call you or contact you in any way, from this moment on. In other words keep it short. He is not to have any opportunity to sweet-talk you into changing your mind. Say what you have to do, allow him a few seconds to respond, then terminate the call.
After that, if he calls you on the phone, at work (and isn't he compromising your work situation if he keeps calling you there?) hang up immediately. Have his number blocked from your home phone. Delete any texts without reading them....better still, block or change your email or cell phone number, if you have to. If he comes ringing your doorbell, don't answer. If you are firm in this treatment he will eventually give up.
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A
male
reader, Coolguy  +, writes (20 November 2010):
Hello,
It's tough loving someone when you know u can't be together. I think u r also afraid of a boring empty life without him. I think u should ask him out 4 dinner. Tell him u love him. However, the relationship is stopping u from moving forward. Tell him u just want to be friends. No kissing. No sex and no being together in non public places. He's currently in charge of the relationship. U need to turn the tables and chart ur own path/rules. If he loves you, he'll understand. U aren't asking to break up. U are asking for the relationship to be taken to a grter level of friendship withou sex. If he doesn't love you, he'll break up. U also need 2 do other exciting things like join gym, dance classesd or volunteer where u'll meet someone u love.
Cheers
CG
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (20 November 2010):
 I don't think your married lover 'loves' anyone, but himself. If he is willing to flaunt the affair in front of his wife and children then the alarm bells should really be ringing for you. He must have a serious personality flaw to act so callous and uncaring. His wife is probably just used to his affairs and is unable to leave for financial reasons and depression. He rings you not from love but because he is a control freak who wants to keep tabs on what you are doing. He wants to be the centre of attention in your life and make sure your attention is firmly focused on his favourite person (himself). I agree that your relationship with your boyfriend is troubled if you feel the need to cheat. If you have any feelings for him whatsoever, you will leave him to find someone who treats him better. If you want to get rid of the married lover, tell him that you won't see him unless he gets a divorce and moves out. Refuse to take his calls and if he rings you at work, put the phone down. Set a deadline and wait...and wait...and wait for him to leave. He doesn't want to leave him family or else he would have already done so. He just wants a mistress on the side to massage his ego. He isn't a very nice person with a lot of respect for the sanctity of marriage or the mental health of his wife...that is what you would be letting yourself in for if you married him...years of cheating and misery. Move on with your life.
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