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*ames
writes: I have been with my Czech girlfriend for almost a year, and I do love her and care about her a lot. The problem is, the "fizz" has gone out of our relationship over the past couple of months. She's just as keen on me as ever... perhaps too keen – she always want to see me. However, I don't seem to feel the same way. It's always her that's initiating sex, and a lot of the time I'm just not in the mood, which causes arguments, understandably. I just don't feel sexually attracted to her any more. She's a great girl and I care about her so much. She is the kind of girl I would like to settle down with, and at 29, I feel like I should be ready for this. But I don't think I am! I just can't stop fantasising about other women! I really don't want to lose her, but at the same time, I don't want to mess her around, as she is in England just to be with me. Should I tell her how I feel and risk losing her? And will I ever be ready to settle down? Thanks for your help.
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female
reader, Kay-the-Cloud +, writes (17 October 2005):
She does sound like a great woman but if you don't feel attracted to her anymore, then you might as well tell her now because the longer you wait, the harder it will be to leave her. Good Luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2005): Alot of people, probably most people, get together without any understanding about the initial infatuation otherwise know as the "honeymoon phase". Some people think this phase should just carry on forever and that's so unrealistic. I admit, it feels so wonderful to "fall in love" when it's all new, but really...it's just a temporary physiological reaction. It is entirely possible to nurture feelings of comfort and excitement within your relationship once the hormones have calmed down, but it takes huge efforts, excellent communication, maturity, devotion and respect for each other to keep it going AFTER the initial honeymoon phase. Yes, you have to love each other but you genuinely have to LIKE and deeply respect each other. Many marriages that last for years..the couples are truely BEST FREINDS. The emotional bond is secondary to none. Bur sadly, some people just don't try, probably because they aren't ready. Others realize that this person just wasn't a good match for them in the first place, despite the hormone thing. Maybe this is you? To find that out, I really think you need some space to think about this relationship with your gf and where the two of you are heqaded. I would suggest you both spend some time apart-say, six months or so. During that time, I believe you should get out more and meet other people socially. Things may look very different at the end of that period. You still should be able to assure each other of your love, but then agree to stay away from each other and not to phone. It may well become clear long before the six months is up whether or not you are meant to be together, or to part completely, or to become life-long friends but with different partners. Taking a break for awhile won't be easy on either of you, but I think it is the best way forward. Good luck to you both.
Hugs, Irish
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female
reader, missdee +, writes (2 October 2005):
Sometimes what we think is love, is just lust. Lust fisses out where love will last a lifetime. You need to just be honest with her, even though you will risk losing her. It's not fair to her to believe that the relationship is going a certain way when it isn't.
Don't worry about settling down, to many people do it before they are ready and it ends up in divorce. It is much better to wait until you are ready for marriage and know that you love the one your with and want to be with only her for a lifetime.
If possible try to remain friends with her and it could always open a door in the future for you two to have a relationship if that's what you both want later in life.
Wish you the best!
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