A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, recently a close friend and I decided that because we each like each other so much, we'd try dating. The thing is, since our first date we don't talk nearly as much as we used to. I mean, since that day, it's been entirely me who initiates contact and she's always the first to stop talking or texting and that's after a short while too. It's weird cos she says she's really into me and she wants to be with me more than anything but her actions(or lack thereof), say otherwise. I don't understand what's going on. Up until that date we would talk for ages everyday about just random things and laugh, but now I have this feeling that if I don't text first, then we're not going to talk at all in the day. What makes it worse is I don't know where we stand, if we're still trying or not. I have this gut feeling that she's not as into me as she claims. I really don't know what to do, because I like her so much and genuinely want to be with her, but she just seems really cold as of late, which isn't like her at allPlease, if anyone could lend some advice on the matter, it would be greatly appreciated
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both, for helping me reassess my thoughts.
I'm going to add now that we tried this a few months ago, but I called quits to it cos I knew she didn't feel the same way for me as I did for her at the time. This time round she initiated.
I should probably say, that I spoke to her and we have a 2nd date. But I haven't adjusted to the change in status either, I'm actually in denial that it even happened. In all honesty, I think I'm just trying to hold onto our friendship more than I'm trying to date her. The thing is I do love her(platonically), she's one of the most important people in my life. And I think this is why I'm trying so hard to keep things as they are while at the same time knowing that things will probably change.
It's kind of annoying because either this could be one of the best things that will happen me or the worst. There's no middle ground with this, cos of the kind of people we both are
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (1 May 2012):
It does sound reassuring that she says she wants to be with you. Don’t forget that the nature of your relationship with her has changed now that you’re dating, she might be taking a little longer to get used to this change than you. How often are you contacting her? Could you perhaps be moving too fast?I’m not suggesting you are, but simply that there could be many reasons to explain this situation, many of which do not involve her questioning the relationship, and without an honest conversation you’re not going to get the clarity that you’re looking for. You’re going to have to tell her that you’ve noticed she’s cooled off a bit, and that it’s worrying you. Don’t box her in to a corner with the old “are we together or not?” type of question, but just ask her if everything’s okay, and whether there’s anything on her mind. Ask her perhaps if there’s something you could do differently, and let her respond and see what she says. This might be a bit difficult, but it’s important to be honest in relationships and she should respect you for decently and sensitively broaching this subject with her. Maybe you need to give her some space, maybe she’s just still feeling a bit awkward having not adjusted to the change in your relationship as quickly as you. Whatever it is, let her know how much she means to you, and be sure to find out and put your own mind at rest.I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 Talk to her, ask her what's going on, tell her you have noticed she has became quiet since you both went on a date, ask her is she sure it is what she wants or would she rather just be friends.
Maybe it is a case that she just does not know what she wants at the moment, maybe she felt she wanted to be with you but she is confused. Or else it could be she has other things going on at the moment in her life and she is just being cold because she has other stresses or worries.
Am afraid the only way to sort this out is to talk to her and ask her what is wrong. Its only her that can give you an honest answer as to what is wrong with her. I can give a few guesses yeah but I might be way of. Communication is the best thing between the both of you so just mention to her you feel she has went cold on you and you are worried.
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