A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm currently a 23 year old virgin, and it's beginning to get me down in a big way. Basically, I was always a socially awkward kid at school, and even when I did get a girlfriend at the end of high school I couldn't make a move on her at all, even when she outright asked me to make out with her. She ended up getting with a good friend of mine instead, and although their relationship didn't last for long, it definitely knocked my confidence hugely. So I squandered university socially, only making friends and going out (and even then not that much) in my final year. I now have a job in the city and my own flat, but despite being socially more able than ever before in my life I'm still adrift when it comes to women. I've made out with one girl in a club (who was actually very attractive to me, and who initiated it) but that's it. I look on online dating sites but can't bring myself to do anything about it, always finding fault in the people on there and feeling they'd do the same with me. I end up spending a lot of time alone, and I fear I've developed an addiction to Internet porn. I've booked a few escorts before chickening out completely. I even met a random guy out of curiosity/because it was easier and less threatening that meeting a woman, but even with straight porn playing I couldn't get into the situation AT ALL, and I'm sure men aren't for me either. The whole thing makes me feel terrible. I have a loose attitude to sexuality where I'm not against the casual sex/ONS culture, but socially I struggle to get into such situations, and my time spent with destructive thought patterns and the Internet is definitely a massive negative factor in my life.What should I do to try and move away from the porn/escort temptations??
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confidence, escort, get a girlfriend, move on, porn, the internet, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2015): a girl that literally asked you to make out with her? I can't believe you passed up that opportunity, the overwhelming, vast majority of girls are not forward like that with a guy
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): Make friends first. Start with people at work is the easiest. Guy friends then use them for emotional support and advice on how to deal with women if they have girlfriends or wives. Use them as role models.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): Doc H
You are correct that porn in the long term only starts creating adverse mindsets towards sex and you are correct in cutting the habit.
Simplest solution OP is to get out of the house and do more constructive things aside from porn- limit your daily usage to one hour and no more. Sitting at home you reinforce your social anxiety- getting out and doing something enjoyable does the opposite. Even if you simply go to the park for a day with a book, it makes a better difference than staying inside if you are doing something you enjoy.
Make friends in interest groups/hobby groups you like (even online is better than none).
And DO see a counselor.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 I agree with a lot of what janniepeg mentioned. And I think it also might be helpful to read confidence builder books/articles, join social clubs where you can network and potentially meet new people, and ultimately learn how to change your mindset to more of a positive one when it comes to meeting women.
I think you should also create a list of positive affirmations that you can look at/repeat daily to help boost your confidence- especially when you're in a situation that calls for you do things that you're not comfortable doing such as approaching women. In those affirmation list things that makes you special and wonderful- and why a woman should be with you. After you view/repeat what's listed, you should be able to approach women with a bit more confidence.
I'm going to send you some article links below that I think may be beneficial for you....
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/need-a-confidence-booster.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-approach-a-girlthe-right-way.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what--women-want-most-from-a-guy.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-meet-the-man-or-woman-of.html
Best Wishes!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 Porn and prostitues do nothing to correct your irrational fears about women. How about immerse yourself in techniques on how to hit on a woman. Study a woman's anatomy. Try to control ejaculation. Read relationship books on how women think, what women look for in a guy. Try ezine articles or visit this site every day. There are many men scared like you. You can take day trips to a nude beach and get used to seeing naked women. I am sure a mature woman would be curious to see what brings you there and start talking to you.
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